Carnie Night!
The Carnie is March 31 st, 2007 at the SAW Gallery in Ottawa, Ontario.
Here's a Q and A to get everyone primed about the vision behind the evening and what they can expect if they attend the show.
What is your definition of a Carnie?
A Carnie is an evening that celebrates unique, odd ball, non-conforming yet wonderful musicians and performers. It's an opportunity for artists who may be marginalized from the Top 40 scene to have access to stage time and a positive experience by sharing their music with others. I keep bringing it back to my guiding belief, which is that the world would be a better, safer and more dynamic place if everyone could see and appreciate the beauty that lives inside the bizarre. What made you want to put together one of your own? I put this Carnie show on for two main reasons. One, as a way to live with a, "Carnie Spirit." Meaning to, "do it" rather than give up on your dreams. You don't have to stay home just because your sponsor is not Cadillac. You don't have to quit just because the homogenous music loving "artistic director" of a local music festival passes on your unique musical act. Be determined. Keep looking for the audiences and "artistic directors" who can look beyond their hang ups to see your musical magic. This is what I try to do. The "Carnie Spirit" of dancing even when you're missing a shoe inspires people. To keep trying. To grab back moments from our troubles and enjoy life a bit more than we had originally planned. Second, I put the Carnie show on to encourage unique, non-conforming, but wonderful musicians to keep making their art by inviting them to be a part of the show. A good Carnie hostess knows that everyone needs encouragement to keep going with their art. I could have used more acceptance, encouragement and solidarity from other musicians over the years. So this show is about reaching out to people like I would have liked to have been reached out to. In the process, I've given myself the chance to be a part of the dynamic of musical community after all. So there's some healing and "making good" for the "Carnie worker" in me.
How is this event Carnie-like?
The performers at the show will be making their own unique and sometimes counter culture music. Music is outside of the meat n' potats Canadian indie rock and "Rising Star award" templates. Performers like this share a lot in common with Carnie workers. They are both sought out by audiences interested in unique arts and looked down upon by mainstream types. There's a beauty and a loneliness associated with Carnies. The fine line between being celebrated and ostracized. The fine line between being authenically appreciated for your art and just being the fodder for rubber neckers. Modern day musicians who don't fit the cookie cutter Indie Canadian mould are like the Carnie workers of by gone eras. We're not sure where we are on these fine lines, but we keep going on with our art and music. Like most Carnies, it's fun, low budget, do it yourself and a unique experience every time. It's not like a prefabricated trip to Epcot Centre, a black tie event with a "Carnival theme" or stale production at a Casino or a youthful rehash of Neil Young. The decor will be sparse and the guiding principle will be, "This is a DIY evening. Like life, it will be as fun as you choose to make it." The space will be a "safe space" for all. The event will be "All Ages." Noone should feel they are too conservative, too old or too uptight to attend the show. There will be office workers in attendance. There's more to live entertainment than a night at the NAC.
Tell me a bit about the recipient of the evenings' funds--why you wanted to fund Camp Ten Oaks.
Camp Ten Oaks is an Ottawa based not for profit charity that treats the children/ youth of glbt parents to a week of summer camp. The week at camp focuses on fun and learning while providing a supportive environment where the children can be themselves and talk openly about their family life. Campers come from all over Ontario and Quebec. People can get more info at http://www.camptenoaks.org/ I found out about this charity when I was doing some journalism work at CKCU FM. I related to this charity because it started with nothing but a dream and some courage, and made it into something that makes people happy. That's a near equivalent to my journey with music making. As well, I ended up meeting a 3 years old child in my apartment building who has two Moms. I want this camp to still be going strong when he's ten years old so he and other kids can go to the camp in the years to come. In general, I try to pick charities that don't receive a lot of corporate sponsorships or tax dollars. This charity fits that profile.
What exactly will happen that night (give me a rundown of performers, etc)?
We will open with a bit of spoken wood performance, and then move into music, which including:
Mike Dubue (of the Hi Lo Trons) - Pop / New Wave
Emile Pelletier - Folk Rock Singer / Songwriter
The City Abuve - Ambiance / Experimental
Mackenzie MacBride & the Super Model Syndrome - NYC Theatrical Balladry
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Burlesque
I performed at a Burlesque Show at SAW Gallery. the show as put on by AGITE, a group of queer woman of colour as well as a local Women's Burlesque group. I really appreciated the chance to open the show with a song. I told every woman in the room about the upcoming Ottawa Carnie show. Hopefully they will show me some sister solidarity and attend.
I performed at a Burlesque Show at SAW Gallery. the show as put on by AGITE, a group of queer woman of colour as well as a local Women's Burlesque group. I really appreciated the chance to open the show with a song. I told every woman in the room about the upcoming Ottawa Carnie show. Hopefully they will show me some sister solidarity and attend.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Toronto Cover Band Fails to Stop the Glambiguous Superstar
I learned a lot about the treachery and solidary of the music business this week. Dido for the human race.
I had a backing band booked for two months. A group of worn out cover band musicians who've gigged Toronto's bottom dollar establishments for 20 years. Let's call them the "Jip Rocks."
The woman called up and told me the entire band was quitting two weeks before the show. "We thought this was Dolly Parton cover tunes and roots music." Huh? The band I had then booked to open for me then proceeded to have a fit and try to force me off the bill. Let's call them the " Hassle Hens"
After much work to find new players and a rush trip to Toronto to rehearse the players I found myself working with true professionals who really enjoy my unique music.
We played the gig last night in Toronto. At that time I learned that the band the "Hassle Hens" had tried to book to yank my gig from me was none other than the "Jip Rocks." Isn't that just so dirty? The band I invited on the bill and my own backing band conspiring to steal the gold and leave me on their sinking pirate ship.
We had a full house of people in Toronto. I dnaced on top of the booths where people were sitting, pulled someone's hair and sat in someone's lap.
Aside from the other musicians, luckily it's not all combative. I've had some really touching and beautiful responses from every day people. One of the most unexpected things is people like to start talking about themselves after they've seen my show. Maybe it's because I've been so real, unapologetic, and yet vulnerable on stage that they feel free to take down their own facades. After a recent Toronto show, a woman sat me down and told me her son's "coming out" story. I think our chat was her “coming out.”
I learned a lot about the treachery and solidary of the music business this week. Dido for the human race.
I had a backing band booked for two months. A group of worn out cover band musicians who've gigged Toronto's bottom dollar establishments for 20 years. Let's call them the "Jip Rocks."
The woman called up and told me the entire band was quitting two weeks before the show. "We thought this was Dolly Parton cover tunes and roots music." Huh? The band I had then booked to open for me then proceeded to have a fit and try to force me off the bill. Let's call them the " Hassle Hens"
After much work to find new players and a rush trip to Toronto to rehearse the players I found myself working with true professionals who really enjoy my unique music.
We played the gig last night in Toronto. At that time I learned that the band the "Hassle Hens" had tried to book to yank my gig from me was none other than the "Jip Rocks." Isn't that just so dirty? The band I invited on the bill and my own backing band conspiring to steal the gold and leave me on their sinking pirate ship.
We had a full house of people in Toronto. I dnaced on top of the booths where people were sitting, pulled someone's hair and sat in someone's lap.
Aside from the other musicians, luckily it's not all combative. I've had some really touching and beautiful responses from every day people. One of the most unexpected things is people like to start talking about themselves after they've seen my show. Maybe it's because I've been so real, unapologetic, and yet vulnerable on stage that they feel free to take down their own facades. After a recent Toronto show, a woman sat me down and told me her son's "coming out" story. I think our chat was her “coming out.”
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Not Over Night
My music making was the featured story in the Ottawa Citizen's Thursday Arts Section by Fateema Sayani.
When I saw the cover picture I was standing in the midst of a very vaudville scene.
I was in a grocery store talking on the phone with my freind Seamus in Vancouver who had gone to my earliest shows in Halifax years ago. A senior citizen was complaining about politicians. A man with dark sun glasses was playing Bette Midler classics on an out of tune piano.
My story has been one of determination and carrying on despite rejection. How have I gone from obscure sonstress to a musican to be noted in city papers. The answer is certainly not "over night."
I'm opening for the Hi Lo Trons on Feb 17 th at Barrymore's. This hall is an old theatre with a golden ceiling styled like an ornate Roman palace. I can hardly believe Dee Snyner and Twisted Sister have played the same stage in 1982.
http://www.canada.com/cityguides/ottawa/story.html?id=08639932-53ec-49e6-99cb-7ea28eb83fc8&k=75417
My music making was the featured story in the Ottawa Citizen's Thursday Arts Section by Fateema Sayani.
When I saw the cover picture I was standing in the midst of a very vaudville scene.
I was in a grocery store talking on the phone with my freind Seamus in Vancouver who had gone to my earliest shows in Halifax years ago. A senior citizen was complaining about politicians. A man with dark sun glasses was playing Bette Midler classics on an out of tune piano.
My story has been one of determination and carrying on despite rejection. How have I gone from obscure sonstress to a musican to be noted in city papers. The answer is certainly not "over night."
I'm opening for the Hi Lo Trons on Feb 17 th at Barrymore's. This hall is an old theatre with a golden ceiling styled like an ornate Roman palace. I can hardly believe Dee Snyner and Twisted Sister have played the same stage in 1982.
http://www.canada.com/cityguides/ottawa/story.html?id=08639932-53ec-49e6-99cb-7ea28eb83fc8&k=75417
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Canada's Counter Culture Carnie - Premiere Dec 15, 2006
The Carnie got off to a great start in Toronto by being snubbed by too cool for school scenester kids, dismisive queers and stuck up fashion designers. Instead we had fun with edgy scnester kids, fabulous queers and talented fashion designers.
Putting on the Carnie was hard, hard, hard. It was a true exercise in DIY and not giving up. Such an experience warrentls counting our little successess. We were able to get press on the CBC, Queer West Toronto, and other leading Toronto net blogs. We were also on radio stations at both the University of Toronto and York University. If I can find these links and podcasts I will put them up. In the meantime, please enjoy some pictures of the event.
The next stop of the Carnie is March 10 th, 2007 in Ottawa at Maverick's Bar. Don't just stay tuned, get involved. We are seeking musicians, indie fashion makers and audience members to get in on the fun. Please be in touch if you want to participate.
About the Carnie:
The Carnie has two main focuses. The first is music. This is a Carnie styled music concert. The bands on the play bill are from a collage of genres including opening acts that play indie rock and headliners that play disco rock and glam rock. Some people associate indie music with rough crowds and seedy joints. Here's a chance to catch a medley of quality local music in an uptown venue with your very own chair to sit in if you like. Some people may not be able to see themselves at a Carnie. But if so, where do they see themselves? At home on the sofa? Can you say, "364 days a year"? If you come to the show, then in two weeks you'll remember where you were on Dec. 15 th without having to write your "daily gratitudes" in a journal Oprah Winfrey hawked you. No need to be afraid. It's not communism. It's a Carnie.
The second focus is living with a, "Carnie Spirit." Meaning to, "do it" rather than give up on your dreams. You don't have to stay home just because your sponsor is not Cadillac. You don't have to quit just because some music editor is putting her friends on the cover of arts rags instead of you. Be determined. That's the Carnie way. To soldier on even when you're broken. Offer the world a toothless Carnie grin and fire up the Ferris wheel. Have a fun time along the journey. This "Carnie Spirit" of dancing even when you're missing a shoe inspires people. To keep trying. To grab back moments from your troubles and enjoy life a bit more than you had originally planned.
Proceeds this time around will go to Camp Ten Oaks, a charity that treats the children of queer parents to a week of camp where they can take pride in themselves. Last year the camp had a waiting list of ten children. Every child who wants to go to camp should get to go. So we thought we'd try to help them get there. ***What kind of fashion is it? Is it DIY stuff based on a theme, or products by established local designers?***
The actual event is Canada's only Counter Culture Carnie. The show the Carnie is putting on in this case is called, in extreme jest, "The High Fashion Show". The fashion component is meant to be an accent. There will be some DIY fashion for sale at tables. As well members of the bands will model some of the fashions when they are playing on stage. But anyone who expects to see garish gowns and matronly patterns needs to be ready for a make over! We tried to get designers who make fashions that make you wish you'd known about their merchandise before you went out and bought a mass produced piece of costume jewelry from Le Chateau. But it's no small task to find these obscure but talented little fashionistas. Hopefully, the world will spread that this show, and the show in April, 2007, aren't about going to a stuffy fashion show at the mall that's being MC'd by personalities from the local news! It's about being edgy.
Carnies know that everyone needs encouragement to keep going with their independent arts. The Carnie is a way to reach out to local people making fashions with their own hands, imaginations and passion. We wanted to showcase them so as to encourage them. We want them to keep on going with trying to provide us with an alternative to having to buy everything at Suzie Shier.
Thanks to big business and sweat shops trying to pass themselves off as haute couture at the mall, it's getting harder not to be one of the people at the office wearing the same shirt as the next cubicle soldier only in a different colour. Carnies hate moments like those. Almost as much as they hate cubicles. Obviously this event is meant to give props to people who are trying to, at least in part, employ themselves with their own talents rather than work exclusively for the Man for minimum wage.
The current website for the Carnie is www.highfashionshow.com but it will be moving soon.
Two pictures to get us started at a look back on the premiere. More pictures to follow.
Don't tell me about no givin' up, ya hear?!
The Carnie got off to a great start in Toronto by being snubbed by too cool for school scenester kids, dismisive queers and stuck up fashion designers. Instead we had fun with edgy scnester kids, fabulous queers and talented fashion designers.
Putting on the Carnie was hard, hard, hard. It was a true exercise in DIY and not giving up. Such an experience warrentls counting our little successess. We were able to get press on the CBC, Queer West Toronto, and other leading Toronto net blogs. We were also on radio stations at both the University of Toronto and York University. If I can find these links and podcasts I will put them up. In the meantime, please enjoy some pictures of the event.
The next stop of the Carnie is March 10 th, 2007 in Ottawa at Maverick's Bar. Don't just stay tuned, get involved. We are seeking musicians, indie fashion makers and audience members to get in on the fun. Please be in touch if you want to participate.
About the Carnie:
The Carnie has two main focuses. The first is music. This is a Carnie styled music concert. The bands on the play bill are from a collage of genres including opening acts that play indie rock and headliners that play disco rock and glam rock. Some people associate indie music with rough crowds and seedy joints. Here's a chance to catch a medley of quality local music in an uptown venue with your very own chair to sit in if you like. Some people may not be able to see themselves at a Carnie. But if so, where do they see themselves? At home on the sofa? Can you say, "364 days a year"? If you come to the show, then in two weeks you'll remember where you were on Dec. 15 th without having to write your "daily gratitudes" in a journal Oprah Winfrey hawked you. No need to be afraid. It's not communism. It's a Carnie.
The second focus is living with a, "Carnie Spirit." Meaning to, "do it" rather than give up on your dreams. You don't have to stay home just because your sponsor is not Cadillac. You don't have to quit just because some music editor is putting her friends on the cover of arts rags instead of you. Be determined. That's the Carnie way. To soldier on even when you're broken. Offer the world a toothless Carnie grin and fire up the Ferris wheel. Have a fun time along the journey. This "Carnie Spirit" of dancing even when you're missing a shoe inspires people. To keep trying. To grab back moments from your troubles and enjoy life a bit more than you had originally planned.
Proceeds this time around will go to Camp Ten Oaks, a charity that treats the children of queer parents to a week of camp where they can take pride in themselves. Last year the camp had a waiting list of ten children. Every child who wants to go to camp should get to go. So we thought we'd try to help them get there. ***What kind of fashion is it? Is it DIY stuff based on a theme, or products by established local designers?***
The actual event is Canada's only Counter Culture Carnie. The show the Carnie is putting on in this case is called, in extreme jest, "The High Fashion Show". The fashion component is meant to be an accent. There will be some DIY fashion for sale at tables. As well members of the bands will model some of the fashions when they are playing on stage. But anyone who expects to see garish gowns and matronly patterns needs to be ready for a make over! We tried to get designers who make fashions that make you wish you'd known about their merchandise before you went out and bought a mass produced piece of costume jewelry from Le Chateau. But it's no small task to find these obscure but talented little fashionistas. Hopefully, the world will spread that this show, and the show in April, 2007, aren't about going to a stuffy fashion show at the mall that's being MC'd by personalities from the local news! It's about being edgy.
Carnies know that everyone needs encouragement to keep going with their independent arts. The Carnie is a way to reach out to local people making fashions with their own hands, imaginations and passion. We wanted to showcase them so as to encourage them. We want them to keep on going with trying to provide us with an alternative to having to buy everything at Suzie Shier.
Thanks to big business and sweat shops trying to pass themselves off as haute couture at the mall, it's getting harder not to be one of the people at the office wearing the same shirt as the next cubicle soldier only in a different colour. Carnies hate moments like those. Almost as much as they hate cubicles. Obviously this event is meant to give props to people who are trying to, at least in part, employ themselves with their own talents rather than work exclusively for the Man for minimum wage.
The current website for the Carnie is www.highfashionshow.com but it will be moving soon.
Two pictures to get us started at a look back on the premiere. More pictures to follow.
Don't tell me about no givin' up, ya hear?!
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Counter Culture Carnival - In Toronto December 15, 2007
Boys and Girls! Welcome to Carnie Night At Buddy’s !!!
Here's an Indie Music concert combining Music, Fashion and Charity.
Featuring Disco and Indie Bands:
After Party
LipstickMachine
Coyote On Peyote
Hot MonogamyAnd
Carnie Hostess Mackenzie MacBride and Her Super Model Syndrome
Proceeds to Camp Ten Oaks: Sending Toronto children of to summer camp
Canada’s Only Counter Culture Carnie and Touring Cabaret Gala !!!
Friday Dec. 15 thOne Night Only7 PM Early Show!!! Followed by Buddys Friday night dance
Buddys In Bad Times Theatre, 12 Alexander St.
$7.00, or $5.00 with a donation of hats or mitts for kids
Forget “Law and Order” and sipping egg nog.
Come to the Carnival and be bedazzled.
Details and poster at: http://www.highfashionshow.com/
Boys and Girls! Welcome to Carnie Night At Buddy’s !!!
Here's an Indie Music concert combining Music, Fashion and Charity.
Featuring Disco and Indie Bands:
After Party
LipstickMachine
Coyote On Peyote
Hot MonogamyAnd
Carnie Hostess Mackenzie MacBride and Her Super Model Syndrome
Proceeds to Camp Ten Oaks: Sending Toronto children of to summer camp
Canada’s Only Counter Culture Carnie and Touring Cabaret Gala !!!
Friday Dec. 15 thOne Night Only7 PM Early Show!!! Followed by Buddys Friday night dance
Buddys In Bad Times Theatre, 12 Alexander St.
$7.00, or $5.00 with a donation of hats or mitts for kids
Forget “Law and Order” and sipping egg nog.
Come to the Carnival and be bedazzled.
Details and poster at: http://www.highfashionshow.com/
Upfront Ottawa Magazine
I have been doing some journalism work for Upfront Ottawa magainze.
Upfront Ottawa is a great magazine covering arts, news and culture in Ottawa, Ontario. I highly recommend reading it as it is full of great writing. Upfront is available at many downtown Ottawa locations as well as location in the Market area.
In the November, 2006 issue I was interviewed for an article called, "Mademoiselle Music" by Angie Neatby where I cited my influences as being "Cyndie Lauper and Jesus Christ."
In the December, 2006 that featured the theme, "The Seven Deadly Sins" I wrote a piece about a sin I know all to well: "Lust"
"When dealing with lust it can be useful to call a trusted freind who's, "been there" from a pay phone. It has to be a pay phone. It is all in the spending of the quarter. You've invested hard currency in your own misery. Now that's validation!"
I felt privlidged to have been given a chance to write a bit for this magazine. I've been writing for a long time. This was one of the first articles I actually got published. Thanks Upfront.
http://www.upfrontottawa.com/currentissue.pdf
I have been doing some journalism work for Upfront Ottawa magainze.
Upfront Ottawa is a great magazine covering arts, news and culture in Ottawa, Ontario. I highly recommend reading it as it is full of great writing. Upfront is available at many downtown Ottawa locations as well as location in the Market area.
In the November, 2006 issue I was interviewed for an article called, "Mademoiselle Music" by Angie Neatby where I cited my influences as being "Cyndie Lauper and Jesus Christ."
In the December, 2006 that featured the theme, "The Seven Deadly Sins" I wrote a piece about a sin I know all to well: "Lust"
"When dealing with lust it can be useful to call a trusted freind who's, "been there" from a pay phone. It has to be a pay phone. It is all in the spending of the quarter. You've invested hard currency in your own misery. Now that's validation!"
I felt privlidged to have been given a chance to write a bit for this magazine. I've been writing for a long time. This was one of the first articles I actually got published. Thanks Upfront.
http://www.upfrontottawa.com/currentissue.pdf
Monday, November 13, 2006
The High Notes
I was happy to learn that the good people of Capital Xtra magazine thought enough of my music, my story and the Wild Bird Rescue Centre benefit show that took place on October 7th, 2006.
Here's the link to the profile in the September 28th, 2006 edition of Capital Xtra.
http://www.xtra.ca/public/viewstory.aspx?AFF_TYPE=2&STORY_ID=2139&PUB_TEMPLATE_ID=2
In case you can not open the link, here is the text of the article.
___________________________________________________________________
The musical magic of Mackenzie MacBrideMUSIC / Performer's stage act challenges audiences
Hayley MacPhee / Capital Xtra / Thursday, September 28, 2006
GIVE UP OR STAND UP. The eccentric Mackenzie MacBride has created her own unique sound and a stage act that challenges audiences. (Pat Croteau)
"My life has been one big journey through corners on two-wheels and somersaults and near-death experiences," says Mackenzie MacBride, the Ottawa-area singer-storyteller."I am a woman who got short-changed. I like to think that I have two angels and one of them is Patrick and the other one is Damian, and Damian is this rock and roll angel who temporarily forgot about me and ran off with some chick," says MacBride. "All I ever set out to be in my life was a woman. No prefixes, no suffixes, no multi-syllable qualifiers. And that disappoints some people when I talk like that. But I understand the difference between defining myself and being in the closet. I define myself but I am not in any closet." MacBride is certainly the character she purports to be. She is wearing a tight, frilly, orange and black, three-quarter length shirt, khaki capri pants and clunky oxfords, tied together vividly with a string of lime-green beads.Hailing from the secluded shores of Minas Basin in rural Nova Scotia, MacBride is quick to explain that she was a poster child for all things queer while growing up. MacBride recalls attending Acadia University where she was menaced and intimidated by the general populace while walking through campus, and was eventually given security guards to escort her from the residence to the dining lounge. She also describes attending St Mary's University in Halifax, where she spent her time alone in her foggy residence room listening to Melissa Etheridge. No one ever called her except her mother and one girlfriend. It was at this low point that MacBride decided that she was going to have to "give up or stand up.""The movie Hedwig And The Angry Inch paints a very brash, 'snap-snap' type of got-it-all-together bravado, but in real life it's hard to be a person on the margin day in and day out," says MacBride.Moving to Ottawa was a wake-up call that helped MacBride realize that her eccentric character went far and beyond being part of the queer community. "When I came up to Ottawa I was like, 'Well, here everyone's a tranny and everyone's got a MySpace and there's nothing special about you.' It's not my queerness that defines me as an eccentric artist; that's just one little portion of me," says MacBride, whose je ne sais quoi sets her apart even in the queer community. Despite being a self-described oddball, MacBride says that she still feels a lot of solidarity within the community. "What keeps me coming is back is I feel like I have something to share with other queers. What's true about me but not a lot of others in the queer community is that ... it's the queer way, to take our misfortunes and move forward. The survival instincts, transcending these hardships, is how I feel such a commonality with that community," says MacBride.MacBride says that one thing that hasn't changed from living in the Maritimes is that she's still a curiosity and still a source for scrutiny. And she still hears comments about the way she looks.But major a conduit for MacBride is, of course, her music. The career was not easy to begin in Halifax - MacBride can remember calling every single performer in a pamphlet of musicians looking for gigs and being turned down by every single one. Being in Ottawa helped to advance MacBride's career, and she was able to develop into her own. MacBride says that what sets her apart is her storytelling and her witty yet earnest delivery - her way of sharing her struggles, minus the clichéd Hollywood happy-endings. MacBride says that her act is a mix of Tiny-Tim style screeches and Dolly Parton kitsch and camp. At each show, MacBride invites her audience to transcend the homogenous and the mainstream, and to experience the outlandish, the "off-off Broadway.""I do it with a style, and a depth of humanness you can't get from every dime MC act. It's not pretty, but it's honest. I'm humble enough to take the risk to get up on stage and sing in that sexless voice, which could be thought of as social suicide, even by myself on some nights," says MacBride. MacBride hopes that her earnest vocals, lyrics and inexhaustible wit are enough to transcend all ages and social groups, and instill tenacity and perseverance in the face of hardship. According to MacBride, her music brings a lot of joy to those who have ever been "battered and beaten.""I want them to start making lemonade out of lemons, to treat each day as a chance instead of a promise. The biggest reward for me is when people come up to me after a show and say something like, 'Wow, I don't feel so alone now.' I try to demonstrate beauty and love with honesty, outside of conventional clichés. Beauty as a barbed wire fence that has been cut open, not a kitten on a Hallmark Card."MacBride has enjoyed touring the Golden Triangle circuit this year, but has begun planning her own gigs. MacBride's current project is a benefit called Rare Woman For Wild Birds for an Ottawa-area bird sanctuary that saves and cares for the injured animals.
www.mackenziemacbride.com
I was happy to learn that the good people of Capital Xtra magazine thought enough of my music, my story and the Wild Bird Rescue Centre benefit show that took place on October 7th, 2006.
Here's the link to the profile in the September 28th, 2006 edition of Capital Xtra.
http://www.xtra.ca/public/viewstory.aspx?AFF_TYPE=2&STORY_ID=2139&PUB_TEMPLATE_ID=2
In case you can not open the link, here is the text of the article.
___________________________________________________________________
The musical magic of Mackenzie MacBrideMUSIC / Performer's stage act challenges audiences
Hayley MacPhee / Capital Xtra / Thursday, September 28, 2006
GIVE UP OR STAND UP. The eccentric Mackenzie MacBride has created her own unique sound and a stage act that challenges audiences. (Pat Croteau)
"My life has been one big journey through corners on two-wheels and somersaults and near-death experiences," says Mackenzie MacBride, the Ottawa-area singer-storyteller."I am a woman who got short-changed. I like to think that I have two angels and one of them is Patrick and the other one is Damian, and Damian is this rock and roll angel who temporarily forgot about me and ran off with some chick," says MacBride. "All I ever set out to be in my life was a woman. No prefixes, no suffixes, no multi-syllable qualifiers. And that disappoints some people when I talk like that. But I understand the difference between defining myself and being in the closet. I define myself but I am not in any closet." MacBride is certainly the character she purports to be. She is wearing a tight, frilly, orange and black, three-quarter length shirt, khaki capri pants and clunky oxfords, tied together vividly with a string of lime-green beads.Hailing from the secluded shores of Minas Basin in rural Nova Scotia, MacBride is quick to explain that she was a poster child for all things queer while growing up. MacBride recalls attending Acadia University where she was menaced and intimidated by the general populace while walking through campus, and was eventually given security guards to escort her from the residence to the dining lounge. She also describes attending St Mary's University in Halifax, where she spent her time alone in her foggy residence room listening to Melissa Etheridge. No one ever called her except her mother and one girlfriend. It was at this low point that MacBride decided that she was going to have to "give up or stand up.""The movie Hedwig And The Angry Inch paints a very brash, 'snap-snap' type of got-it-all-together bravado, but in real life it's hard to be a person on the margin day in and day out," says MacBride.Moving to Ottawa was a wake-up call that helped MacBride realize that her eccentric character went far and beyond being part of the queer community. "When I came up to Ottawa I was like, 'Well, here everyone's a tranny and everyone's got a MySpace and there's nothing special about you.' It's not my queerness that defines me as an eccentric artist; that's just one little portion of me," says MacBride, whose je ne sais quoi sets her apart even in the queer community. Despite being a self-described oddball, MacBride says that she still feels a lot of solidarity within the community. "What keeps me coming is back is I feel like I have something to share with other queers. What's true about me but not a lot of others in the queer community is that ... it's the queer way, to take our misfortunes and move forward. The survival instincts, transcending these hardships, is how I feel such a commonality with that community," says MacBride.MacBride says that one thing that hasn't changed from living in the Maritimes is that she's still a curiosity and still a source for scrutiny. And she still hears comments about the way she looks.But major a conduit for MacBride is, of course, her music. The career was not easy to begin in Halifax - MacBride can remember calling every single performer in a pamphlet of musicians looking for gigs and being turned down by every single one. Being in Ottawa helped to advance MacBride's career, and she was able to develop into her own. MacBride says that what sets her apart is her storytelling and her witty yet earnest delivery - her way of sharing her struggles, minus the clichéd Hollywood happy-endings. MacBride says that her act is a mix of Tiny-Tim style screeches and Dolly Parton kitsch and camp. At each show, MacBride invites her audience to transcend the homogenous and the mainstream, and to experience the outlandish, the "off-off Broadway.""I do it with a style, and a depth of humanness you can't get from every dime MC act. It's not pretty, but it's honest. I'm humble enough to take the risk to get up on stage and sing in that sexless voice, which could be thought of as social suicide, even by myself on some nights," says MacBride. MacBride hopes that her earnest vocals, lyrics and inexhaustible wit are enough to transcend all ages and social groups, and instill tenacity and perseverance in the face of hardship. According to MacBride, her music brings a lot of joy to those who have ever been "battered and beaten.""I want them to start making lemonade out of lemons, to treat each day as a chance instead of a promise. The biggest reward for me is when people come up to me after a show and say something like, 'Wow, I don't feel so alone now.' I try to demonstrate beauty and love with honesty, outside of conventional clichés. Beauty as a barbed wire fence that has been cut open, not a kitten on a Hallmark Card."MacBride has enjoyed touring the Golden Triangle circuit this year, but has begun planning her own gigs. MacBride's current project is a benefit called Rare Woman For Wild Birds for an Ottawa-area bird sanctuary that saves and cares for the injured animals.
www.mackenziemacbride.com
Friday, September 29, 2006
Sister Solidarity
Lady Fest Ottawa
I was thrilled to have been invited to not only play, but to open the 5 th Lady Fest ottawa festival. I first played this event in 2003. I was a heartbroken little Annie Lennox emo/ fashion/ passion type with a schreechy voice and a keytar. I am proud to say I am still sharign all this camp with audiences.
I met and interviewed Lesbians On Extasy the night of the show. They were approachable, down to earth and ready to chat. In other words, they are my type of gals! I also interviewed Nicky Click and her dolls. What a moment to meet another true "orininal" on Rideau St. Let's just say Nicky did not have a bag from "the Gap" or "Jacob" under her arm. she had on a white lepard pattenred dress that clung to her like a second skin. She let m know she was going to return it to the store. The tags were still attached. I was delighted.
The concert also marked the first time the mainstream arts and entertainent paper, "The Ottawa Express" mentioned me. Hopefully it won't be the last. There's a lot of barriers though. One never knows. I'm enjoying this bit of recognition. I have walked through the valleys of apathy and sailed into the winds of indifference for years. Be vigilient. I encourage "sister solidarity."
http://www.ottawaxpress.ca/music/music.aspx?iIDArticle=10402
Or read it here:
Ottawa Xpress/ Sept 21, 2006
Hey, hey ladies... Andrea Simms-Karp
Montreal's own Le Tigre of sorts : Lesbians on Ecstasy Ladyfest kicks off with lesbians, click, a librarian's touch and a bride...Wednesday nights are not usually the time to buckle down and dance your little heart out, but this week will have to be a particularly wild exception.
As Ladyfest Ottawa rolls into town, the city is getting hit with an electro-extravaganza unlike anything that usually graces the middle of the week. Montreal's Lesbians On Ecstasy, Olympia, Washington's Nicky Click (who's opened for Lady Sovereign), Toronto's Librarian's Touch (Lindsay Gillard is a former member of Ottawa's the Sick Lipstick) and East Coast's Mackenzie MacBride are all descending upon Maverick's for a night of well-deserved booty shaking. And although the lineup is proudly queer positive and lady friendly, all are welcome to get their freak on.
Fruity Frankie of Lesbians On Ecstasy says that anyone can enjoy the band's high-energy sets - as long as they don't mind watching a group of women strutting around the stage in chaps (nobody has a problem with that, right folks?). Same goes with Nicky Click, whose video art and music is deliciously quirky. She says she often tours with a doll, Petunia Pie, to make things interesting. How this lineup could ever be dull escapes me, but so it goes.
These women have a whole lot more in common than their dance-driven sounds and keen party sense. All of them have made strides in an industry that isn't particularly geared towards women. Electronic art, from multimedia to DJing, is often a dude-dominated realm. For many young women, the thought of going into an audio store to buy gear is daunting. Well-known artists like Le Tigre and Peaches have helped encourage girls to experiment with electronic media, but there is always room for more support.
Nicky Click got into video art with a cheap camcorder and some know-how, but she says she would have gotten into it much earlier if she felt encouraged. "I was lucky to find women who were willing to share their techniques," she says. "Now I'm seeing women creating and saying what they need to say."
Fruity Frankie says she is happy to have seen the genre grow and diversify, even in the relatively short time her band has been wooing crowds. "Our project grew out of Montreal, which has a huge dance scene, but very few women involved. There were a whole lot of guys twiddling knobs," she says, laughing. "But in the past three years, we've seen women really making it for themselves. And we've gotten a lot of props from places we thought would hate us."
Considering that Lesbians On Ecstasy charged the international scene after coming together as a bit of an experiment, it's no wonder they've been getting props. They were asked to tour with Le Tigre, veritable giants of the genre, early on in their career, and are now getting ready to record their follow-up to their buzz worthy self-titled debut - the album's sexy covers of queer anthems could win over even the most skeptical listener. Heck, with names like Fruity Frankie, Bernie Bankrupt, Veronique Mystique and Jackie "The JackHammer," you could go for the camp and stay for the beats.
If you think Wednesday's lineup looks fun, stay tuned for an endless string of stellar shows as the week winds down. The doors to Ladyfest are about to be kicked open.
Ladyfest Presents:Lesbians on EcstasyNicky Click
Librarian's Touch
Mackenzie MacBride
Wednesday, September 27 (19+)Maverick's
Lady Fest Ottawa
I was thrilled to have been invited to not only play, but to open the 5 th Lady Fest ottawa festival. I first played this event in 2003. I was a heartbroken little Annie Lennox emo/ fashion/ passion type with a schreechy voice and a keytar. I am proud to say I am still sharign all this camp with audiences.
I met and interviewed Lesbians On Extasy the night of the show. They were approachable, down to earth and ready to chat. In other words, they are my type of gals! I also interviewed Nicky Click and her dolls. What a moment to meet another true "orininal" on Rideau St. Let's just say Nicky did not have a bag from "the Gap" or "Jacob" under her arm. she had on a white lepard pattenred dress that clung to her like a second skin. She let m know she was going to return it to the store. The tags were still attached. I was delighted.
The concert also marked the first time the mainstream arts and entertainent paper, "The Ottawa Express" mentioned me. Hopefully it won't be the last. There's a lot of barriers though. One never knows. I'm enjoying this bit of recognition. I have walked through the valleys of apathy and sailed into the winds of indifference for years. Be vigilient. I encourage "sister solidarity."
http://www.ottawaxpress.ca/music/music.aspx?iIDArticle=10402
Or read it here:
Ottawa Xpress/ Sept 21, 2006
Hey, hey ladies... Andrea Simms-Karp
Montreal's own Le Tigre of sorts : Lesbians on Ecstasy Ladyfest kicks off with lesbians, click, a librarian's touch and a bride...Wednesday nights are not usually the time to buckle down and dance your little heart out, but this week will have to be a particularly wild exception.
As Ladyfest Ottawa rolls into town, the city is getting hit with an electro-extravaganza unlike anything that usually graces the middle of the week. Montreal's Lesbians On Ecstasy, Olympia, Washington's Nicky Click (who's opened for Lady Sovereign), Toronto's Librarian's Touch (Lindsay Gillard is a former member of Ottawa's the Sick Lipstick) and East Coast's Mackenzie MacBride are all descending upon Maverick's for a night of well-deserved booty shaking. And although the lineup is proudly queer positive and lady friendly, all are welcome to get their freak on.
Fruity Frankie of Lesbians On Ecstasy says that anyone can enjoy the band's high-energy sets - as long as they don't mind watching a group of women strutting around the stage in chaps (nobody has a problem with that, right folks?). Same goes with Nicky Click, whose video art and music is deliciously quirky. She says she often tours with a doll, Petunia Pie, to make things interesting. How this lineup could ever be dull escapes me, but so it goes.
These women have a whole lot more in common than their dance-driven sounds and keen party sense. All of them have made strides in an industry that isn't particularly geared towards women. Electronic art, from multimedia to DJing, is often a dude-dominated realm. For many young women, the thought of going into an audio store to buy gear is daunting. Well-known artists like Le Tigre and Peaches have helped encourage girls to experiment with electronic media, but there is always room for more support.
Nicky Click got into video art with a cheap camcorder and some know-how, but she says she would have gotten into it much earlier if she felt encouraged. "I was lucky to find women who were willing to share their techniques," she says. "Now I'm seeing women creating and saying what they need to say."
Fruity Frankie says she is happy to have seen the genre grow and diversify, even in the relatively short time her band has been wooing crowds. "Our project grew out of Montreal, which has a huge dance scene, but very few women involved. There were a whole lot of guys twiddling knobs," she says, laughing. "But in the past three years, we've seen women really making it for themselves. And we've gotten a lot of props from places we thought would hate us."
Considering that Lesbians On Ecstasy charged the international scene after coming together as a bit of an experiment, it's no wonder they've been getting props. They were asked to tour with Le Tigre, veritable giants of the genre, early on in their career, and are now getting ready to record their follow-up to their buzz worthy self-titled debut - the album's sexy covers of queer anthems could win over even the most skeptical listener. Heck, with names like Fruity Frankie, Bernie Bankrupt, Veronique Mystique and Jackie "The JackHammer," you could go for the camp and stay for the beats.
If you think Wednesday's lineup looks fun, stay tuned for an endless string of stellar shows as the week winds down. The doors to Ladyfest are about to be kicked open.
Ladyfest Presents:Lesbians on EcstasyNicky Click
Librarian's Touch
Mackenzie MacBride
Wednesday, September 27 (19+)Maverick's
Thursday, September 28, 2006
" Mackenzie MacBride - Not A Grab and Gripper"
"What's Hot With Me" - Marcus McCann / Capital Xtra/ Sept 5, 2006
Marcus McCann publishes his Top 5 favourites. Right below Kinnee Star he listed me for the Sept. 6 to October 1, 2006 edition of Capital Xtra. It was just one line. But it meant so much to me. I am not a scenester. I am not a poser. I don't try promote myself under the guises of charity and community activism. I am not a "grab and gripper." Nor do I want to be around people exhibiting this type of fakery and narcissism.
My "be for real" philosophy means I have often found myself on the "out"side of queer "in crowd". This is ironic considering I was the personification of queerness in rural Canada for most of my life. But I am not bitter. I am simply pointing it out as a fact. I am comfortable with my outsider status.
Back in high school there were ridiculous "90's era" cliques. The doctor's son and the suburb construction developer's daugther were the King and Queen of Winter Carnival and thought themselves to better than everyone else. They wore Sun Ice winbter jackets in bright yellow and Nike sneakers with space age thick soles. They had a whole lot hangers on. Jock guys and little trotter girls with lots of hair spray. They would all hang around in the front entry of the school or in the adjoining gym.
I can remember being petrified to walk past them in my pink Ocean Pacific tee shirt and "Potato sack" shorts. 10 points for anyone who remembers potato sack shorts. But all these years later where are all these cool kids and posers. Well the doctor's son is an "ears, nose and throat "Mc' doc". And that only barely a "McDoc" because his gradfes were so poor that he had to get is medical licence from Guademala! (Can't you just barely wait for your next trip to get medical care in Canada?) And the the daughter of the suburb developer and her Sun Ice jacket? She sells pharmicutials in Edmonton and worships at the "Church Of the Lamb" along with her hsband - from our same high school. (Hey, if was comfy for her, why change it? Evolution? How passe!)
So take it from me it's better to be one of the nerds in the band room in the basement than a total fake.
So having said all this, to get to the point, I was so happily surprised when I read in Marcus McCann's Top 5 for Ottawa list for September.
"Mackenzie MacBride. Note to Ottawa: Fuck You for not noticing her sooner."
It is a real honour to have caught the attention of an ally. Someone who really "gets it". I have yet to meet him. I hope I do someday. No, I was not noticied. I was in the basement band room. Bring some of your favourite Cher sheet music and let's jam sometime.
"What's Hot With Me" - Marcus McCann / Capital Xtra/ Sept 5, 2006
Marcus McCann publishes his Top 5 favourites. Right below Kinnee Star he listed me for the Sept. 6 to October 1, 2006 edition of Capital Xtra. It was just one line. But it meant so much to me. I am not a scenester. I am not a poser. I don't try promote myself under the guises of charity and community activism. I am not a "grab and gripper." Nor do I want to be around people exhibiting this type of fakery and narcissism.
My "be for real" philosophy means I have often found myself on the "out"side of queer "in crowd". This is ironic considering I was the personification of queerness in rural Canada for most of my life. But I am not bitter. I am simply pointing it out as a fact. I am comfortable with my outsider status.
Back in high school there were ridiculous "90's era" cliques. The doctor's son and the suburb construction developer's daugther were the King and Queen of Winter Carnival and thought themselves to better than everyone else. They wore Sun Ice winbter jackets in bright yellow and Nike sneakers with space age thick soles. They had a whole lot hangers on. Jock guys and little trotter girls with lots of hair spray. They would all hang around in the front entry of the school or in the adjoining gym.
I can remember being petrified to walk past them in my pink Ocean Pacific tee shirt and "Potato sack" shorts. 10 points for anyone who remembers potato sack shorts. But all these years later where are all these cool kids and posers. Well the doctor's son is an "ears, nose and throat "Mc' doc". And that only barely a "McDoc" because his gradfes were so poor that he had to get is medical licence from Guademala! (Can't you just barely wait for your next trip to get medical care in Canada?) And the the daughter of the suburb developer and her Sun Ice jacket? She sells pharmicutials in Edmonton and worships at the "Church Of the Lamb" along with her hsband - from our same high school. (Hey, if was comfy for her, why change it? Evolution? How passe!)
So take it from me it's better to be one of the nerds in the band room in the basement than a total fake.
So having said all this, to get to the point, I was so happily surprised when I read in Marcus McCann's Top 5 for Ottawa list for September.
"Mackenzie MacBride. Note to Ottawa: Fuck You for not noticing her sooner."
It is a real honour to have caught the attention of an ally. Someone who really "gets it". I have yet to meet him. I hope I do someday. No, I was not noticied. I was in the basement band room. Bring some of your favourite Cher sheet music and let's jam sometime.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
New Review
“MacBride gets credit for putting so much of herself out there, and admitting to things like having days when she could barely make it to work over all of this love business. To turn the energy from a bad situation into something productive is always a good thing. She could be on to something.”
- Broken Pencil Magazine of Indie Culture / Reviews / Liz Worth / Toronto /
Issue 30/ June 2006.
“MacBride gets credit for putting so much of herself out there, and admitting to things like having days when she could barely make it to work over all of this love business. To turn the energy from a bad situation into something productive is always a good thing. She could be on to something.”
- Broken Pencil Magazine of Indie Culture / Reviews / Liz Worth / Toronto /
Issue 30/ June 2006.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Friday, May 12, 2006
Lounge Act Reviewed in Alterheros.com
Mackenzie MacBride, est une musicienne qui chante dans une style de lounge et glam rock.
Elle utilise un synthétiseur, les drums électroniques et la guitare pour raconter l’histoire de sa propre vie, tout en démontrant une franchise hors du commun et faisant vivre bon nombre d’émotion à son public.
Sa voix rappelle à la fois les styles opéra et blues. Avec son style excentrique, elle sera difficile à oublier. Pour la connaître d’avantage, vous pouvez visiter son site perso au www.myspace.com/mackenziemacbride
- Alterheros.com / In the Community / Montreal / April, 2006/ Translated from French
Mackenzie MacBride, est une musicienne qui chante dans une style de lounge et glam rock.
Elle utilise un synthétiseur, les drums électroniques et la guitare pour raconter l’histoire de sa propre vie, tout en démontrant une franchise hors du commun et faisant vivre bon nombre d’émotion à son public.
Sa voix rappelle à la fois les styles opéra et blues. Avec son style excentrique, elle sera difficile à oublier. Pour la connaître d’avantage, vous pouvez visiter son site perso au www.myspace.com/mackenziemacbride
- Alterheros.com / In the Community / Montreal / April, 2006/ Translated from French
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Write It, Read It. Post It. – “Gender Privlidged Vs. Gender Peculiar”
When you’re angry at something or someone in the office the old saying is,”Write It, Read It. Rip It.” But I’m going to Post it. Because “high society” just doesn’t get it. To define my terms, “high society” is people who have access and invitation to participate in the social networks of mainstream society. A mainstream society that includes both the strait world and the queer community. But not people who are gender peculiar.
By social networks I mean the basics of meeting friends and having people actually calling us and inviting us out. How it works is: Each meeting and inviting leads to more of the same. Enurta. High society. It isn’t about money. Though that comes with it. In that people get jobs through who they know. Get music gigs and press from people they know.
Call me Jealous. Imbittered. Angry. Chip on the shoulders. Worked over. I’d for sure agree to “Worked over.” But I’m really done with being told, “Oh. Why don’t you just organize a show?” Or “You can get press – you just have to go out and get it.” Or, “if you’re good at what you do people will just hire you.” Sorry. No sale. All of those comments, however well meaning they may be, are coming from a place of “privlidge.” People who are privilidged to be main stream enough that high society will let them participate in the strait ahead ratio of “Effort = Results”. They ignore that it just aint that simple for people who are ruled “peculiar” and especially, “gender peculiar” by society.
Lets take a closer look at who is “gender privilidged” and who is “gender peculiar” - and why.
If you find yourself lost already, in order to understand what kind of “outsider” status someone who is unconvential in gender faces let’s consider Tammy and Little Billy. Tammy, is a trans gal trying to get in with some non trans people so she can read her poems at the local watering hole in town. Even though she knows most of them are a bunch of damn posers. Little Billy is a queer boy sitting out in a rural town populated by farmers and bible thumpers all lined up at the church pot luck for second helpings of strawberry shortcake of a warm July evening. Billy is often the outcast. Just not let in the club. Tammy is like Little Billy. Little Billy doesn’t have any hetro privlidge. Tammy doesn’t have any gender privlidge. They are both on the outside looking in on the rest of the town, otherwise known as – you guessed it: “high society”. But being a butchy young thing, Little Billy, with his straw hat and faded denium overalls, at least has gender privlidge. Their gonna give him a bowl of strawberry shortcake. Tammy, well she’s just out in the cold. No strawberry shortcake for her. And no saucy limric from her poetry scribbler is gonna fix that, you all.
Now that we have a better idea of what the hell I’m talking about let’s continue. There’s lots of folks, artists and otherwise, out there who are “different”, or “characters” or “unique”. People who dress larger than life to get attention, have a rare talent that they exploit to gain notority, or big personalities that command an audience wherever they go. These “characters” are sought out and revered by society for their “different” qualities. Different, as in “special”. Special, as in “appreciated”. But all of these traits are a second coat of paint over top of their base coats of being conventionally gendered. Their gender matches their body and their sex. It always has, and it always will. Conventionally gendered. This is a safe and approachable base coat of paint for most people.
This safe, conventional, and basically mass appealing gender presentation earns these “characters” two things, if not more. One, it earns them entrance into the privlidged, conventionally gendered high society. And they get into the club because they give people in mainstream society something safe to hold onto. Something called “gender” that lets mainstreamers say, “I can deal with this person – cuz underneath they are “just like me””. And once these “characters” are in the club of privilidge what do they get? : A big play ground to network, earn livings, date, become rock stars – whatever’s on their agendas.
Secondly, it earns them the right to play. Play with fashion, piercings, tattoos, looks, styles, bravado, and all other outward presentations of themselves. Play so hard with their appearances that they can make themselves into real, “freaks”. But they’re still safe. Hardly scary at all. Becauase no matter what they do they’ve still got this base coat of gender normalcy underneath to keep them in the good graces of a main stream society that’s holding the keys to privilidge.
But what about those “characters” who seem to court gender diviance but still come out on top of the heap? The chick dressed in leather and big hats and singing with a real booming voice and a drum kit and the punk boy with mascara and painted nails whining away in a high piched nasal voice above his electric guitar. Those two. And their legions of clones. Good for them, but no, this doesn’t move them from the status of “character” into, “peculiar”. This is still just playing with appearances. Putting a real shocking second coat of paint over those convential gender base coats of theirs. This is all just part of their schitck. Their gag. Their attention-getting machine.
A base coat of paint that mainstream “high society” views as safe and a second coat that main stream views as flashy– what a recipe for success. The by line reads something like, “Amazing female vocalist solid as an 18 wheeler” and “Punk frontman sings like an angel.” The prerequistite for success is gender. These artists deliver. And “high society” eats it up by consciously or unconsciously saying, “Well, I can deal with 18 wheelers and angels – I mean it’s a man and a woman I’m watching here at the end of the day.”
It’s these “characters’” choice to look like that though. It’s on them. Not in them. They could strip all of that rockabilly toughness and punk strut off for Monday morning, walk down the street without being stared and and get that job in the coffee shop on the corner without much of a problem. Not being stared at. Getting that job. Dressing it up or down whenever it’s more convenient or necessary to fit in. All of that is part of gender privilidge.
Some of these “characters” get a real buzz out of defining themselves as “outsiders”, and not a members of “high society” at all. So, ofcourse, they will fight tooth and nail to try and deny that they are in fact “prividged”. Even conventioanlly gendered privlidged. It always amuses me when these self-described “outsiders” fight so hard to be recognized as “peculiar” because they are such “insiders.” Gender insiders. And if they were to be granted the “peculiar” label, it would be a classic case of, “Be careful what you wish for” because they’d immediately see they’re convential gender fueled accesses and privlidges clawed away by main stream
“high society”.
On the other side of the line, the “peculiar” person, the person who is not conventional in gender, has the opposite paint job going on. A base coat of paint that main stream “high society” views as scary. A base that is not on them like a costume, but inside them like a feeling. A feeling that can’t be taken out, whether it turns the coffee shop owner’s crank or not. And a second coat that main stream views as boring – a schtick that’s already been done. (We’ve all seen, “TransAmerica”, “Hedwig and the Angry Inch”, and “Boys Don’t Cry”. Move on.
Stop whining.). The gender peculiar person is not likely walking down that same street without getting stared at. And isn’t likely getting that job in the coffee shop either.
It’s also worth pointing out here that plently of conventionally gendered people never amount to much in life. Just as many gender peculiar people likely wouldn’t amount to much either if gender suddenly was no longer a big deal in high society. The difference is: whatever opportunities conventionally gendered people squandered or chances they had wrentched away from them by others, one thing they didn’t face was having their potential pinned down by a glass ceiling in the form of being denied access to the goodies that come from possessing gender privilidge.
I don’t resent people who are conventionally gendered. After all, just like gender variant people – it was just how they were mentally hard wired in the womb. And not all conventially gendered people are against non-conventionally gendered people. A few have even said, “I’ll help you.” But both the conventionally gendered person and the non-conventionally gendered soon find out that this benvolent offer finds its demise in its naivity. What worked for the conventionally gendered person in terms of getting press, a job or a lover usually doesn’t work for the gender unconventional person. They can’t, don’t and won’t walk the same path. And many a conventionally gendered friend and non-conventionally gendered friend have looked at each other and said, “Why is that?” The explanation is very short. But once you find it, it is so very simple. Tammy and Little Billy, the answer is: Gender privilidge.
So while I don’t resent people who are conventionally gendered for being conventionaly gendered, I do resent conventionally gendered people telling me that I have access to just as many opportunities to go out there and mix it up with main stream high society as they do. For the more well-meaning people flogging this flawed logic, I give them a break because privlidge born out of gender is really subtle. Because almost everyone has gender privlidge. It’s easy to overlook how much of leg up being conventionally gendered gives a person until you really walk a mile with the effeminate gay boy at the “strait acting” night club, the lip stick lesbain at the stone dyke poker game or the trans gal trying to get some press for her music.
But to state it clearly and simply, once and for all, with few exceptions, people who are gender peculiar are not part of the in crowd. Not invited to the bar for drinks with the hotties. Not thought of for being added to the line up of performers for the multi-artist fund raiser. Ignored by the call outs to join the posing poets for their “reading series”.
And while it is easy to overlook, for all its subtly, I’m not going to roll over and pretend this type of gender privlidge doesn’t exist. Because to ignore it, to say that opportunities and access for conventionally gendered people (conventionally gendered “characters” included) and “peculiar” gender unconventionals are equal would be to make the the oppression that comes from going without gender privilidge even more oppressive. It would be to say, “Oh well. It’s my fault. I didn’t get that press. I must not have tried hard enough.” One more marginalized person blamed for their marginalization.
So if you are gender peculiar give yourself a break. Now that we’ve named the beasts: That you are most likely oppressed by a “high society” that is obsessed with gender as a concept of two polar opposites. That this same “high society” has likely marginalized you by that doling out or holds back gender privlidge, and the trappings that go with it, on a case by case, or gender by gender basis. Now that we’ve carefully disected what’s been leaning on you, uncurl yourself from that ball. You shouldn’t compare what you are able to achieve with that of a conventionally gendered person with the accomplishments of a conventionally gendered person with all of their gender privilidge and access to high society. What the gender peculiar person and the conventionally gendered person can make happen is often going to be on a different scale, even if their talents may be basically equal. And now that this is oppression is out in the light, if you are the friend of a gender peculiar person, please - a little less on the, “Why can’t you make it to the other end of the pool – I did.” routine. It’s hurtful.
To gender peculiars and our friends - don’t quit. Break down the walls. One bricks at a time if necessary. So you can try in little and big ways to gain access to what all humans should have the right to do, participate fully in their communities and socities. There’s not much in journalism or creative writing that’s worse than people giving dogmatic pep talks to complete strangers so I’ll keep this “feel-gooder finish” to a brief personal anecdote. I’ve sent out press releases and promos about my music from everyone to queer magazines, local rags to the freaking CBC and received not a bite. But I’ve rolled up the newspapers heralding punk rock boys with mascara and women in leather and big hats, with their safe base coats and their gender insider status that attracts the press like magnets on grandma’s fridge. And I’ve thrown the whole lot of them in the recycling bin. And I’m moving on to thinking about just who in “high society” I can go up to next and point out – “Hey I exist too, wanna give me a chance?”
When you’re angry at something or someone in the office the old saying is,”Write It, Read It. Rip It.” But I’m going to Post it. Because “high society” just doesn’t get it. To define my terms, “high society” is people who have access and invitation to participate in the social networks of mainstream society. A mainstream society that includes both the strait world and the queer community. But not people who are gender peculiar.
By social networks I mean the basics of meeting friends and having people actually calling us and inviting us out. How it works is: Each meeting and inviting leads to more of the same. Enurta. High society. It isn’t about money. Though that comes with it. In that people get jobs through who they know. Get music gigs and press from people they know.
Call me Jealous. Imbittered. Angry. Chip on the shoulders. Worked over. I’d for sure agree to “Worked over.” But I’m really done with being told, “Oh. Why don’t you just organize a show?” Or “You can get press – you just have to go out and get it.” Or, “if you’re good at what you do people will just hire you.” Sorry. No sale. All of those comments, however well meaning they may be, are coming from a place of “privlidge.” People who are privilidged to be main stream enough that high society will let them participate in the strait ahead ratio of “Effort = Results”. They ignore that it just aint that simple for people who are ruled “peculiar” and especially, “gender peculiar” by society.
Lets take a closer look at who is “gender privilidged” and who is “gender peculiar” - and why.
If you find yourself lost already, in order to understand what kind of “outsider” status someone who is unconvential in gender faces let’s consider Tammy and Little Billy. Tammy, is a trans gal trying to get in with some non trans people so she can read her poems at the local watering hole in town. Even though she knows most of them are a bunch of damn posers. Little Billy is a queer boy sitting out in a rural town populated by farmers and bible thumpers all lined up at the church pot luck for second helpings of strawberry shortcake of a warm July evening. Billy is often the outcast. Just not let in the club. Tammy is like Little Billy. Little Billy doesn’t have any hetro privlidge. Tammy doesn’t have any gender privlidge. They are both on the outside looking in on the rest of the town, otherwise known as – you guessed it: “high society”. But being a butchy young thing, Little Billy, with his straw hat and faded denium overalls, at least has gender privlidge. Their gonna give him a bowl of strawberry shortcake. Tammy, well she’s just out in the cold. No strawberry shortcake for her. And no saucy limric from her poetry scribbler is gonna fix that, you all.
Now that we have a better idea of what the hell I’m talking about let’s continue. There’s lots of folks, artists and otherwise, out there who are “different”, or “characters” or “unique”. People who dress larger than life to get attention, have a rare talent that they exploit to gain notority, or big personalities that command an audience wherever they go. These “characters” are sought out and revered by society for their “different” qualities. Different, as in “special”. Special, as in “appreciated”. But all of these traits are a second coat of paint over top of their base coats of being conventionally gendered. Their gender matches their body and their sex. It always has, and it always will. Conventionally gendered. This is a safe and approachable base coat of paint for most people.
This safe, conventional, and basically mass appealing gender presentation earns these “characters” two things, if not more. One, it earns them entrance into the privlidged, conventionally gendered high society. And they get into the club because they give people in mainstream society something safe to hold onto. Something called “gender” that lets mainstreamers say, “I can deal with this person – cuz underneath they are “just like me””. And once these “characters” are in the club of privilidge what do they get? : A big play ground to network, earn livings, date, become rock stars – whatever’s on their agendas.
Secondly, it earns them the right to play. Play with fashion, piercings, tattoos, looks, styles, bravado, and all other outward presentations of themselves. Play so hard with their appearances that they can make themselves into real, “freaks”. But they’re still safe. Hardly scary at all. Becauase no matter what they do they’ve still got this base coat of gender normalcy underneath to keep them in the good graces of a main stream society that’s holding the keys to privilidge.
But what about those “characters” who seem to court gender diviance but still come out on top of the heap? The chick dressed in leather and big hats and singing with a real booming voice and a drum kit and the punk boy with mascara and painted nails whining away in a high piched nasal voice above his electric guitar. Those two. And their legions of clones. Good for them, but no, this doesn’t move them from the status of “character” into, “peculiar”. This is still just playing with appearances. Putting a real shocking second coat of paint over those convential gender base coats of theirs. This is all just part of their schitck. Their gag. Their attention-getting machine.
A base coat of paint that mainstream “high society” views as safe and a second coat that main stream views as flashy– what a recipe for success. The by line reads something like, “Amazing female vocalist solid as an 18 wheeler” and “Punk frontman sings like an angel.” The prerequistite for success is gender. These artists deliver. And “high society” eats it up by consciously or unconsciously saying, “Well, I can deal with 18 wheelers and angels – I mean it’s a man and a woman I’m watching here at the end of the day.”
It’s these “characters’” choice to look like that though. It’s on them. Not in them. They could strip all of that rockabilly toughness and punk strut off for Monday morning, walk down the street without being stared and and get that job in the coffee shop on the corner without much of a problem. Not being stared at. Getting that job. Dressing it up or down whenever it’s more convenient or necessary to fit in. All of that is part of gender privilidge.
Some of these “characters” get a real buzz out of defining themselves as “outsiders”, and not a members of “high society” at all. So, ofcourse, they will fight tooth and nail to try and deny that they are in fact “prividged”. Even conventioanlly gendered privlidged. It always amuses me when these self-described “outsiders” fight so hard to be recognized as “peculiar” because they are such “insiders.” Gender insiders. And if they were to be granted the “peculiar” label, it would be a classic case of, “Be careful what you wish for” because they’d immediately see they’re convential gender fueled accesses and privlidges clawed away by main stream
“high society”.
On the other side of the line, the “peculiar” person, the person who is not conventional in gender, has the opposite paint job going on. A base coat of paint that main stream “high society” views as scary. A base that is not on them like a costume, but inside them like a feeling. A feeling that can’t be taken out, whether it turns the coffee shop owner’s crank or not. And a second coat that main stream views as boring – a schtick that’s already been done. (We’ve all seen, “TransAmerica”, “Hedwig and the Angry Inch”, and “Boys Don’t Cry”. Move on.
Stop whining.). The gender peculiar person is not likely walking down that same street without getting stared at. And isn’t likely getting that job in the coffee shop either.
It’s also worth pointing out here that plently of conventionally gendered people never amount to much in life. Just as many gender peculiar people likely wouldn’t amount to much either if gender suddenly was no longer a big deal in high society. The difference is: whatever opportunities conventionally gendered people squandered or chances they had wrentched away from them by others, one thing they didn’t face was having their potential pinned down by a glass ceiling in the form of being denied access to the goodies that come from possessing gender privilidge.
I don’t resent people who are conventionally gendered. After all, just like gender variant people – it was just how they were mentally hard wired in the womb. And not all conventially gendered people are against non-conventionally gendered people. A few have even said, “I’ll help you.” But both the conventionally gendered person and the non-conventionally gendered soon find out that this benvolent offer finds its demise in its naivity. What worked for the conventionally gendered person in terms of getting press, a job or a lover usually doesn’t work for the gender unconventional person. They can’t, don’t and won’t walk the same path. And many a conventionally gendered friend and non-conventionally gendered friend have looked at each other and said, “Why is that?” The explanation is very short. But once you find it, it is so very simple. Tammy and Little Billy, the answer is: Gender privilidge.
So while I don’t resent people who are conventionally gendered for being conventionaly gendered, I do resent conventionally gendered people telling me that I have access to just as many opportunities to go out there and mix it up with main stream high society as they do. For the more well-meaning people flogging this flawed logic, I give them a break because privlidge born out of gender is really subtle. Because almost everyone has gender privlidge. It’s easy to overlook how much of leg up being conventionally gendered gives a person until you really walk a mile with the effeminate gay boy at the “strait acting” night club, the lip stick lesbain at the stone dyke poker game or the trans gal trying to get some press for her music.
But to state it clearly and simply, once and for all, with few exceptions, people who are gender peculiar are not part of the in crowd. Not invited to the bar for drinks with the hotties. Not thought of for being added to the line up of performers for the multi-artist fund raiser. Ignored by the call outs to join the posing poets for their “reading series”.
And while it is easy to overlook, for all its subtly, I’m not going to roll over and pretend this type of gender privlidge doesn’t exist. Because to ignore it, to say that opportunities and access for conventionally gendered people (conventionally gendered “characters” included) and “peculiar” gender unconventionals are equal would be to make the the oppression that comes from going without gender privilidge even more oppressive. It would be to say, “Oh well. It’s my fault. I didn’t get that press. I must not have tried hard enough.” One more marginalized person blamed for their marginalization.
So if you are gender peculiar give yourself a break. Now that we’ve named the beasts: That you are most likely oppressed by a “high society” that is obsessed with gender as a concept of two polar opposites. That this same “high society” has likely marginalized you by that doling out or holds back gender privlidge, and the trappings that go with it, on a case by case, or gender by gender basis. Now that we’ve carefully disected what’s been leaning on you, uncurl yourself from that ball. You shouldn’t compare what you are able to achieve with that of a conventionally gendered person with the accomplishments of a conventionally gendered person with all of their gender privilidge and access to high society. What the gender peculiar person and the conventionally gendered person can make happen is often going to be on a different scale, even if their talents may be basically equal. And now that this is oppression is out in the light, if you are the friend of a gender peculiar person, please - a little less on the, “Why can’t you make it to the other end of the pool – I did.” routine. It’s hurtful.
To gender peculiars and our friends - don’t quit. Break down the walls. One bricks at a time if necessary. So you can try in little and big ways to gain access to what all humans should have the right to do, participate fully in their communities and socities. There’s not much in journalism or creative writing that’s worse than people giving dogmatic pep talks to complete strangers so I’ll keep this “feel-gooder finish” to a brief personal anecdote. I’ve sent out press releases and promos about my music from everyone to queer magazines, local rags to the freaking CBC and received not a bite. But I’ve rolled up the newspapers heralding punk rock boys with mascara and women in leather and big hats, with their safe base coats and their gender insider status that attracts the press like magnets on grandma’s fridge. And I’ve thrown the whole lot of them in the recycling bin. And I’m moving on to thinking about just who in “high society” I can go up to next and point out – “Hey I exist too, wanna give me a chance?”
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Being Trans Is “Stylish” - at least so says the CBC
The CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Company) Ottawa bureua website ran a story by Alec Scott in which he described being trans as being very, “Stylish” and very “Now” . What a way to degrade and dismiss all of the years of suffering most trans people have gone through to find a home for their souls in their own bodies!
Being trans is not a style or a fad. Or a bit of campy fun. It is an identity. A true self. This true self is not chosen by the trans person like a pair of cutsey barettes to match a $100.00 haircut. It is a true self that is there whether the trans person or the people around them like it or not.
Right wing conservative Preachers, Ethicists and, “People who have found God” berate trans people by saying they should choose to “correct” themselves. But these right wing bigots stand corrected. The only choice involved in being trans is to choose to accept your true self as is, or to reject your true self.
Here is the link to the article:
http://www.cbc.ca/arts/media/trans.html
I wrote the following Feedback article and sent it to the CBC. It details just how, “Stylish” it is to be a musician who people label as trans.
To Alec Scott,
I thought that since you went on record in your Feb 13th, 2006 article, “Trans Mania” as saying that, “trans is very stylish, very now” that you might be interested to know just exactly how “Stylish” being trans in Ottawa REALLY is. The best way I can think to do this is to tell you about “a day in the life”.
First let me introduce myself. I am an Ottawa based songwriter/ singer who does a one of a kind lounge act based on story telling and glam rock. I am a true tortured artist and underdog in every sense of the words.
Now for an account of my day. This account isn’t designed to be a sympathy ploy. I don’t want anyone’s charity. Just their understanding of the facts of what it’s like to be a trans musician in Canada.
Today I decided to venture out into the world in search of some social contact. I had been sequestered all weekend working on songs for my new album. Not that I had a lot of choice. A trans person often has very limited social networks. People who literally are cast to the fringe of society can literally live in almost constant social isolation. Just like a shut in senior citizen who is just waiting for the telemarketer to call or her once a week visit from her daughter from out of town. Except young, so the mind is still sharp and the loneliness felt especially poignantly. Just one of the many styling aspects of being trans.
I was extra motivated to find positive social contacts today because I had viewed a show on Global TV which was extolling right wing anti gay and anti trans views. The show even featured real life success stories who had `corrected` themselves from `deviant sexual lifestyles`. Nothing like another positive reinforcement from the media about how much self worth a person should have.
My default venue was a trip into the Dusty Owl Reading series, a monthly “I have no friends” club for a bunch of amateur poets to get up any revel in the sounds of their own voices set to the back drop of a seedy queer bar in a basement of downtown Ottawa.
On a trip into the washroom to throw out some orange peels a woman could be heard in the stall calling out,
“Just a minute. You can use this washroom. I just wiped the seat.”
I said, “I’m just here to throw out orange peels”
She emerged from the can. A stocky dyke decked out in an orange ball hat and a fleece Mountain Gear vest and looks at me and says,
“Oh well if it had been a woman well she would have appreciated me wiping the seat. I didn’t mean to offend you.”
I exit the washroom telling myself for about the 5000 th time in my life that perhaps I had misunderstood or misheard what was obviously blatant transphobia.
Later I returned to the washroom and the woman – who must have been some sort of crapper urchin – was back in there again. From the next stall over she said,
“ I didn’t catch you name. What’s you male name? ”
“I am not a male! ”
“I thought I knew you from the scene from years ago. ”
“No. ”
“I thought you were Scott. Are you Scott? ”
“No.”
“I didn’t mean to offend you. I know what it’s like to be trapped. I’ve done a lot of reading on that. ”
“I am not sure why you would associate any man or any Scott with me. ”
“It’s just that when you came in the bar, everyone started saying, “Look at the transvestite.”
(She, like you in your article, was using really archaic language from the 1970’s that is a derogatory term used for men who get sexual pleasure from dressing up as women. If you wanted to appear more savvy on social issues, I’d suggest dropping that word from your lexicon. It really is what the word “nigger” is to a black person. It’s a slur. Almost too contemptible to even use as an example of a slur.)
“Why were people saying that? ”
“Well the sun glasses. ”
“Women don’t wear sun glasses on their heads?
“Well who was saying it. ”
“Never you mind. Why do you care what people are saying about you?”
“Well since you are telling me this I thought I should pursue it. ”
“Well now that I look at you, I can tell you are a beautiful woman and they were wrong.
So don’t mind that people call you names. ”
So either through my indignation or my beauty I convinced her that she was “wrong” and that I was not a “transvestite”. As a result, she was basically letting me know that she was letting me off the hook: excusing me from being associated with this category of people, this obvious insult. An insult, which only minutes before, she was saying was not an insult as she tried to label me with it. So from either side of the coin I was once again having someone map out all of their transphobia all over my body. How stylish.
Meanwhile back out at the bar, some 60 year old bald librarian look a like had slipped a business card inside my poetry book with the message, “Please call”. And he’d borrowed my own pen to write me the note!
And remember this was the social experience that I was counting on to be my social contact for the entire weekend.
I decided that, as usual this crowd of scenesters and pretend friends did not deserve me. I announced I was leaving and that my name should be removed from the reading list. Oni, the Haitian Sensation, who was the hostess for the evening, recognizing my authentic artist status from previous interactions, immediately put my name to the top of the list and I decided this gesture of support was grounds for doing my poetry reading after all. I took to the stage and immediately let the crowd know,
“I’m not going to lie to you – this night is a rough one. Some old dude gave me his business card which just says , “By appointment only. Please call” on it. What sort of business do you think he’s in? Hair?” Everyone laughed.
I went on to read the following poem,
Road Less than Less Traveled
Our living room plans were as storied as the streets of Nashville
I can almost see Neil Young and Emmy Lou Harris in a big old Lincoln.
But we’ll have to find a less cliché way to make it in music
Cuz they don’t want the lies of us at the Grand Old Opre
This poem was written to illustrate the heroic challenge a trans person faces trying to make it in the music business. When we think of the music business – it is thought of as the road less traveled. Shania Twain and Terri Clarke are considered “trail blazers” for leaving small town Canada behind and going down to Nashville. They took “the road less traveled.” But they had pretty faces, pretty voices, were conventional in gender and looked the part. Through no special effort of their own. They were just born into their underlying conventionalness.
Soon enough producers and studio players were lining up to write songs with them and even marry these gals. But imagine if a trans country singer arrived in Nashville. She might as well have stayed home and kept washing dishes at the Manx on Elgin St. She’d be laughed off the stage. Or worse. The “Remembering Our Dead” Trans Day of Remembrance vigil that is marked around the world in cities including Ottawa named trans people that were killed in such states as Tennessee and Kentucky. Just in the last year. Just for being trans. How trendy. I can almost see them accepting their Grammy in the sky…
Being a shunned woman has held me back in all sorts of ways in the music business and in life in general. For example, living in Halifax in the 1990s, when I finally decided I would reach out to other musicians to try and make a CD, I called every musician in, “Play” (the Atlantic Canadian Music Industry Index), and not one of these musicians - not one - would work with me. The book was over 150 pages thick.
That set me on a lonely road to try and learn to do everything myself. With my money exhausted from paying for 3 demos songs in a professional studio with engineers who could hardly see me below their curled lips, I fell into a trap that many people fall into. I tried to get into “home recording”. I saved up the money to buy computer recording equipment and software. Saving the money took years of toil at degrading minimal wage jobs – at one point I dissected garbage contents to figure out what percentage of it would have been recyclable. Another perk of being a trans is that employment is difficult if not impossible. Through sheer determination and smarts I was able to get a job a government job some years back. But I know if I lost this government job tomorrow and I applied to McDonalds on Bank St. or Starbucks in the Chapters on Rideau St. (Ottawa, ON), I would not be hired.
All of the computerized recording equipment turned into a huge 3 year night mare of computer crashes, technical problems and results that could only be described as computerized. It’s only been in the last year that I found an organic way to record my lounge act on a no budget basis. It only took 15 years to be acquire gear a lot of kids are given for Christmas.
Meanwhile lots of low talent and conventionally gendered people are making it big in music. Around Ottawa and around Canada. Why? Because they were not on the fringe. They were out at bars. Making friends. Making connections. Starting bands. Not being laughed at and asked their “male names” just by showing up. Not having to do it all themselves. Meanwhile I was, despite my efforts, in musical and social isolation battling computers.
And when it came to gigs for these afor mentioned main steamers? People wanted to see their bands. It was about music. But if I had managed to get myself out there and make a show. Well it would be “the tranny show”. It wouldn’t be about music. It would be seen as a gimmick. And if there was an audience? No straight bar would have it. Off to the queer bar with you. (Where as you can see from the above anecdote, “The dog did come from my own kennel”. )
Drawing from your own articles examples, the creator of the movie “Trans America” Duncan Tucker is quoted in the Ottawa Express (a free local entertainment rag) as saying of his movie, “I only hope that people won’t think, “It’s a transsexual movie. It’s strange and inaccessible.” The creator of the very film that supposedly portrays trans people with such honesty prefers to take the good of the gimmick of being trans and leave the bad of the taboo of being trans. His basic pitch can be paraphrased with, “Come to the freak show. You can see freaks. But we won’t scare you too much. And noone will think you’re a freak for going to the movie either.
I promise.”
The Ottawa Express even got it wrong. The title read, “Felicity Huffman makes like a man in Tranny Tale”. Makes like a man? Tranny Tale? She’s not a man. That’s the point! Or so the movie might have told a few people if the stupid title of the Express article hadn’t told them the reverse and confirmed the negative misconceptions people had about trans people going into the movie experience. And won’t it be tragically ironic that when Felicity Huffman wins an Oscar, it will be for playing a role based on my real life experience. Except instead of being celebrated for my experiences- people have used them to systematically keep me out of the music business.
An example from my own life now. When I was promoting my CD at the 2004 CanZine festival of DIY and Independent Arts festival in Toronto, some dude from the York University newspaper just waltzes up to my table and says he wants to include me in a supplement his paper is doing on trans people.
The guy has never met me. He doesn’t know me. Doesn’t know what I’m about. He does not know how I identify. He decides for me. In his self rightousness he thinks he is the appointed person to define me. He knows me better than I know myself. So he thinks. So he gets to label me. With labels he is comfortable with. Labels that help him maintain his view that the world or sex and gender is binary (one or the other). He tries to make me an unwilling participant in his binary world. He completely disregards that I’m promoting a musical creation – not my crotch. For him, it’s all about my crotch, my status, my freakishness. All of which were sandblasted onto me by his presumptions, without my permission or invitation.
Ofcourse, as much as I need the PR, I didn’t accept his offer. When I was little I saw myself as a girl, and I saw myself as wanting to become a woman when I grew up. I sure didn’t think about the day when I could grow up and be a TS or and transgender or even a TS woman. Just a woman. All those other labels are just jargon for uninformed people to keep people “not like them” in neat little categories and moreover, devices to keep people “not like them” down. To deny people “not like them” the validation that society is ready to agree with us that we are who we say we are. An Asterisk on Woman* or Man*, as the case may be, that says: * - Not quite. And no PR is worth that for me.
So I’ve had to learn not to compare myself to the accomplishments of others. I face more obstacles than other musicians. Both in connecting with other musicians and with getting audiences and shows. The average main stream person just “gets the goodies” from life – just by being them. By virtue of fitting in. If they start at 0 every morning, then ofcourse they can get to 7, 8 or even 9 out of 10 everyday. The trans person starts out at like – 10 every morning and is lucky if they see beyond zero on a good day. Those are the odds. Not to mention that over 60% of trans youth commit suicide before they are 30. Well, I’m not 30 yet. But I intend to make it there. But while I’m on route, I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t align my life of struggle and torture to escape rural Nova Scota to become a veritable -yet to be discovered-Canadian lounge act with being “Stylish” and vogue.
The CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Company) Ottawa bureua website ran a story by Alec Scott in which he described being trans as being very, “Stylish” and very “Now” . What a way to degrade and dismiss all of the years of suffering most trans people have gone through to find a home for their souls in their own bodies!
Being trans is not a style or a fad. Or a bit of campy fun. It is an identity. A true self. This true self is not chosen by the trans person like a pair of cutsey barettes to match a $100.00 haircut. It is a true self that is there whether the trans person or the people around them like it or not.
Right wing conservative Preachers, Ethicists and, “People who have found God” berate trans people by saying they should choose to “correct” themselves. But these right wing bigots stand corrected. The only choice involved in being trans is to choose to accept your true self as is, or to reject your true self.
Here is the link to the article:
http://www.cbc.ca/arts/media/trans.html
I wrote the following Feedback article and sent it to the CBC. It details just how, “Stylish” it is to be a musician who people label as trans.
To Alec Scott,
I thought that since you went on record in your Feb 13th, 2006 article, “Trans Mania” as saying that, “trans is very stylish, very now” that you might be interested to know just exactly how “Stylish” being trans in Ottawa REALLY is. The best way I can think to do this is to tell you about “a day in the life”.
First let me introduce myself. I am an Ottawa based songwriter/ singer who does a one of a kind lounge act based on story telling and glam rock. I am a true tortured artist and underdog in every sense of the words.
Now for an account of my day. This account isn’t designed to be a sympathy ploy. I don’t want anyone’s charity. Just their understanding of the facts of what it’s like to be a trans musician in Canada.
Today I decided to venture out into the world in search of some social contact. I had been sequestered all weekend working on songs for my new album. Not that I had a lot of choice. A trans person often has very limited social networks. People who literally are cast to the fringe of society can literally live in almost constant social isolation. Just like a shut in senior citizen who is just waiting for the telemarketer to call or her once a week visit from her daughter from out of town. Except young, so the mind is still sharp and the loneliness felt especially poignantly. Just one of the many styling aspects of being trans.
I was extra motivated to find positive social contacts today because I had viewed a show on Global TV which was extolling right wing anti gay and anti trans views. The show even featured real life success stories who had `corrected` themselves from `deviant sexual lifestyles`. Nothing like another positive reinforcement from the media about how much self worth a person should have.
My default venue was a trip into the Dusty Owl Reading series, a monthly “I have no friends” club for a bunch of amateur poets to get up any revel in the sounds of their own voices set to the back drop of a seedy queer bar in a basement of downtown Ottawa.
On a trip into the washroom to throw out some orange peels a woman could be heard in the stall calling out,
“Just a minute. You can use this washroom. I just wiped the seat.”
I said, “I’m just here to throw out orange peels”
She emerged from the can. A stocky dyke decked out in an orange ball hat and a fleece Mountain Gear vest and looks at me and says,
“Oh well if it had been a woman well she would have appreciated me wiping the seat. I didn’t mean to offend you.”
I exit the washroom telling myself for about the 5000 th time in my life that perhaps I had misunderstood or misheard what was obviously blatant transphobia.
Later I returned to the washroom and the woman – who must have been some sort of crapper urchin – was back in there again. From the next stall over she said,
“ I didn’t catch you name. What’s you male name? ”
“I am not a male! ”
“I thought I knew you from the scene from years ago. ”
“No. ”
“I thought you were Scott. Are you Scott? ”
“No.”
“I didn’t mean to offend you. I know what it’s like to be trapped. I’ve done a lot of reading on that. ”
“I am not sure why you would associate any man or any Scott with me. ”
“It’s just that when you came in the bar, everyone started saying, “Look at the transvestite.”
(She, like you in your article, was using really archaic language from the 1970’s that is a derogatory term used for men who get sexual pleasure from dressing up as women. If you wanted to appear more savvy on social issues, I’d suggest dropping that word from your lexicon. It really is what the word “nigger” is to a black person. It’s a slur. Almost too contemptible to even use as an example of a slur.)
“Why were people saying that? ”
“Well the sun glasses. ”
“Women don’t wear sun glasses on their heads?
“Well who was saying it. ”
“Never you mind. Why do you care what people are saying about you?”
“Well since you are telling me this I thought I should pursue it. ”
“Well now that I look at you, I can tell you are a beautiful woman and they were wrong.
So don’t mind that people call you names. ”
So either through my indignation or my beauty I convinced her that she was “wrong” and that I was not a “transvestite”. As a result, she was basically letting me know that she was letting me off the hook: excusing me from being associated with this category of people, this obvious insult. An insult, which only minutes before, she was saying was not an insult as she tried to label me with it. So from either side of the coin I was once again having someone map out all of their transphobia all over my body. How stylish.
Meanwhile back out at the bar, some 60 year old bald librarian look a like had slipped a business card inside my poetry book with the message, “Please call”. And he’d borrowed my own pen to write me the note!
And remember this was the social experience that I was counting on to be my social contact for the entire weekend.
I decided that, as usual this crowd of scenesters and pretend friends did not deserve me. I announced I was leaving and that my name should be removed from the reading list. Oni, the Haitian Sensation, who was the hostess for the evening, recognizing my authentic artist status from previous interactions, immediately put my name to the top of the list and I decided this gesture of support was grounds for doing my poetry reading after all. I took to the stage and immediately let the crowd know,
“I’m not going to lie to you – this night is a rough one. Some old dude gave me his business card which just says , “By appointment only. Please call” on it. What sort of business do you think he’s in? Hair?” Everyone laughed.
I went on to read the following poem,
Road Less than Less Traveled
Our living room plans were as storied as the streets of Nashville
I can almost see Neil Young and Emmy Lou Harris in a big old Lincoln.
But we’ll have to find a less cliché way to make it in music
Cuz they don’t want the lies of us at the Grand Old Opre
This poem was written to illustrate the heroic challenge a trans person faces trying to make it in the music business. When we think of the music business – it is thought of as the road less traveled. Shania Twain and Terri Clarke are considered “trail blazers” for leaving small town Canada behind and going down to Nashville. They took “the road less traveled.” But they had pretty faces, pretty voices, were conventional in gender and looked the part. Through no special effort of their own. They were just born into their underlying conventionalness.
Soon enough producers and studio players were lining up to write songs with them and even marry these gals. But imagine if a trans country singer arrived in Nashville. She might as well have stayed home and kept washing dishes at the Manx on Elgin St. She’d be laughed off the stage. Or worse. The “Remembering Our Dead” Trans Day of Remembrance vigil that is marked around the world in cities including Ottawa named trans people that were killed in such states as Tennessee and Kentucky. Just in the last year. Just for being trans. How trendy. I can almost see them accepting their Grammy in the sky…
Being a shunned woman has held me back in all sorts of ways in the music business and in life in general. For example, living in Halifax in the 1990s, when I finally decided I would reach out to other musicians to try and make a CD, I called every musician in, “Play” (the Atlantic Canadian Music Industry Index), and not one of these musicians - not one - would work with me. The book was over 150 pages thick.
That set me on a lonely road to try and learn to do everything myself. With my money exhausted from paying for 3 demos songs in a professional studio with engineers who could hardly see me below their curled lips, I fell into a trap that many people fall into. I tried to get into “home recording”. I saved up the money to buy computer recording equipment and software. Saving the money took years of toil at degrading minimal wage jobs – at one point I dissected garbage contents to figure out what percentage of it would have been recyclable. Another perk of being a trans is that employment is difficult if not impossible. Through sheer determination and smarts I was able to get a job a government job some years back. But I know if I lost this government job tomorrow and I applied to McDonalds on Bank St. or Starbucks in the Chapters on Rideau St. (Ottawa, ON), I would not be hired.
All of the computerized recording equipment turned into a huge 3 year night mare of computer crashes, technical problems and results that could only be described as computerized. It’s only been in the last year that I found an organic way to record my lounge act on a no budget basis. It only took 15 years to be acquire gear a lot of kids are given for Christmas.
Meanwhile lots of low talent and conventionally gendered people are making it big in music. Around Ottawa and around Canada. Why? Because they were not on the fringe. They were out at bars. Making friends. Making connections. Starting bands. Not being laughed at and asked their “male names” just by showing up. Not having to do it all themselves. Meanwhile I was, despite my efforts, in musical and social isolation battling computers.
And when it came to gigs for these afor mentioned main steamers? People wanted to see their bands. It was about music. But if I had managed to get myself out there and make a show. Well it would be “the tranny show”. It wouldn’t be about music. It would be seen as a gimmick. And if there was an audience? No straight bar would have it. Off to the queer bar with you. (Where as you can see from the above anecdote, “The dog did come from my own kennel”. )
Drawing from your own articles examples, the creator of the movie “Trans America” Duncan Tucker is quoted in the Ottawa Express (a free local entertainment rag) as saying of his movie, “I only hope that people won’t think, “It’s a transsexual movie. It’s strange and inaccessible.” The creator of the very film that supposedly portrays trans people with such honesty prefers to take the good of the gimmick of being trans and leave the bad of the taboo of being trans. His basic pitch can be paraphrased with, “Come to the freak show. You can see freaks. But we won’t scare you too much. And noone will think you’re a freak for going to the movie either.
I promise.”
The Ottawa Express even got it wrong. The title read, “Felicity Huffman makes like a man in Tranny Tale”. Makes like a man? Tranny Tale? She’s not a man. That’s the point! Or so the movie might have told a few people if the stupid title of the Express article hadn’t told them the reverse and confirmed the negative misconceptions people had about trans people going into the movie experience. And won’t it be tragically ironic that when Felicity Huffman wins an Oscar, it will be for playing a role based on my real life experience. Except instead of being celebrated for my experiences- people have used them to systematically keep me out of the music business.
An example from my own life now. When I was promoting my CD at the 2004 CanZine festival of DIY and Independent Arts festival in Toronto, some dude from the York University newspaper just waltzes up to my table and says he wants to include me in a supplement his paper is doing on trans people.
The guy has never met me. He doesn’t know me. Doesn’t know what I’m about. He does not know how I identify. He decides for me. In his self rightousness he thinks he is the appointed person to define me. He knows me better than I know myself. So he thinks. So he gets to label me. With labels he is comfortable with. Labels that help him maintain his view that the world or sex and gender is binary (one or the other). He tries to make me an unwilling participant in his binary world. He completely disregards that I’m promoting a musical creation – not my crotch. For him, it’s all about my crotch, my status, my freakishness. All of which were sandblasted onto me by his presumptions, without my permission or invitation.
Ofcourse, as much as I need the PR, I didn’t accept his offer. When I was little I saw myself as a girl, and I saw myself as wanting to become a woman when I grew up. I sure didn’t think about the day when I could grow up and be a TS or and transgender or even a TS woman. Just a woman. All those other labels are just jargon for uninformed people to keep people “not like them” in neat little categories and moreover, devices to keep people “not like them” down. To deny people “not like them” the validation that society is ready to agree with us that we are who we say we are. An Asterisk on Woman* or Man*, as the case may be, that says: * - Not quite. And no PR is worth that for me.
So I’ve had to learn not to compare myself to the accomplishments of others. I face more obstacles than other musicians. Both in connecting with other musicians and with getting audiences and shows. The average main stream person just “gets the goodies” from life – just by being them. By virtue of fitting in. If they start at 0 every morning, then ofcourse they can get to 7, 8 or even 9 out of 10 everyday. The trans person starts out at like – 10 every morning and is lucky if they see beyond zero on a good day. Those are the odds. Not to mention that over 60% of trans youth commit suicide before they are 30. Well, I’m not 30 yet. But I intend to make it there. But while I’m on route, I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t align my life of struggle and torture to escape rural Nova Scota to become a veritable -yet to be discovered-Canadian lounge act with being “Stylish” and vogue.
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Reviewed:
"Poems Even Your Boyfriend Will Understand" the chapbook has been reviewed by Xtra, which is Canada's # 1 Queer monthy newpaper magazine. A big thank you to Sandra and Gordon who took an interest in independent writers and followed through on their plan to review my chapbook. More action than talk. These are my kind of people.
Arty giftsZINES / Indie stocking
Sandra Alland / Xtra / Thursday, December 08, 2005
There's more than one cool artist in Ottawa. Mackenzie MacBride's Poems Even Your Boyfriend Will Understand: Uniquely Painful Poems And Desperate Accounts is full of soul-searching romantic longing. MacBride manages to undercut the clichéd confessional style of much journalling. I have no patience for love-whining, but this is a page-turner ($5; mackenziemacbride.com).
Entire article:
http://www.xtra.ca/public/viewstory.aspx?SessionId=32867794-315a-44b0-b3a0-4f94d5e11aef&AFF_TYPE=3&STORY_ID=1187&PUB_TEMPLATE_ID=2
"Poems Even Your Boyfriend Will Understand" the chapbook has been reviewed by Xtra, which is Canada's # 1 Queer monthy newpaper magazine. A big thank you to Sandra and Gordon who took an interest in independent writers and followed through on their plan to review my chapbook. More action than talk. These are my kind of people.
Arty giftsZINES / Indie stocking
Sandra Alland / Xtra / Thursday, December 08, 2005
There's more than one cool artist in Ottawa. Mackenzie MacBride's Poems Even Your Boyfriend Will Understand: Uniquely Painful Poems And Desperate Accounts is full of soul-searching romantic longing. MacBride manages to undercut the clichéd confessional style of much journalling. I have no patience for love-whining, but this is a page-turner ($5; mackenziemacbride.com).
Entire article:
http://www.xtra.ca/public/viewstory.aspx?SessionId=32867794-315a-44b0-b3a0-4f94d5e11aef&AFF_TYPE=3&STORY_ID=1187&PUB_TEMPLATE_ID=2
Monday, November 28, 2005
Falsetto on the CBC
*
Excerpts from, “The Sunday Edition” # 422 (Nov. 27, 2005) with Micheal Enright and guest Rob Harris aired on CBC Radio FM Dial. (CBC is the Canadian Broadcasting Company which is Canada’s Public Broadcaster. Think BBC in Britain and PBS in the USA.)
*
On the show they discussed Falsetto. I thought this was an interesting topic because a recent review of my music described my voice as "falsetto". (Read the review on the Music page of this site.)
*
The commentators asserted that the meaning of falsetto was more than just gender and sexual ambiguity. They said falsetto is also an indicator of social class.
*
“Singers like Sintra didn’t use falsetto. Why not? Because they are mainstream. They are in the center of society. And that sound that falsetto gives us – of dispossession, of outside-ness is not part of their world. So it is only used by people who want to create that sense of outside-ness. It’s maybe instinctive. So to me falsetto is not about gender. It’s about class. Falsetto is a sound that disposed people use to create power through dispossession.”
*
“It seems dispossession. It’s a way of becoming powerful by being outside the norm. These singers express themselves in an otherworldly sound.”
*
They delved into the early black groups that used falsetto such as The Ink Spots in the 1930’s, The Ravens and the Cadillacs from the 1950’s and went right up the years to Al Greene, Marvin Gaye and the BeeGee’s in the 1970’s and Price singing “Kiss” off his album “Parade” in the 1980’s.
*
It was interesting that when they introduced the example of Prince the commentators had to come full circle and say that falsetto was also about ambiguity, effemininity, being sexy and being away from the “center” of society’s gender rules.
*
All the other examples were just ordinary “dudes”. They looked and acted like men. But sang like women. Then there’s Boy George who looked like a woman but sang like a man. I think the music industry and the general public needs more artists who don’t use either conventional voices or conventional appearances. Artists who don’t try to be “safe” enough for mainstream by giving their public at least a conventional voice or appearance. Artists who break out of both appearance and sound boxes.
*
I’m glad to hear people talking about flashy, unique, non- conformist singing and pointing out that it can still be commercial, successful and red hot. I’m happy to count myself as one of these artists. Where else would I like to be but on the limits of everything – including singing. I hope you enjoy. I can't do anything else. I've got to be me.
Zine Warriors
Montreal. November, 2005. There was pushing a grocery basket on wheels full of merchandise from city street #s 1000 to 5500 (that's a long way) - especially when it's up hill and the streets are covered with snow and the shopping cart wheels aint spinning. And you've had one hour of sleep and a 2. 5 hour bus ride that started with the quote, "I'm not even 30 and all of my gradparents are dead. I'm already one generation away from the grave."
Since life is apparently so short it's good I made this hard trip to Montreal. There was no time for heels. There was no time for skirts. There was no time for lunch - unless you count a burnt black tim Horton's sandwich. But I made it. And it was worth it.
I would say that the Montreal arts scene people are some of the most friendly, open and definately sexy that I've seen in a while. Definately my kind of people. Someone told me I had "such beautiful skin" she had to come over and meet me. I was reall touched when a girl told me she'd bought one of my books in Toronto and it inspired her to write a Zine - which she then gave to me. And some of the guys had smiles that -to be honest- could melt butter.
Thanks to everyone who bought one of my Chap Books and/ or took a fridge magnet/ or Glam Rock fashion pin. Send me an email. Let's meet again.
Montreal. November, 2005. There was pushing a grocery basket on wheels full of merchandise from city street #s 1000 to 5500 (that's a long way) - especially when it's up hill and the streets are covered with snow and the shopping cart wheels aint spinning. And you've had one hour of sleep and a 2. 5 hour bus ride that started with the quote, "I'm not even 30 and all of my gradparents are dead. I'm already one generation away from the grave."
Since life is apparently so short it's good I made this hard trip to Montreal. There was no time for heels. There was no time for skirts. There was no time for lunch - unless you count a burnt black tim Horton's sandwich. But I made it. And it was worth it.
I would say that the Montreal arts scene people are some of the most friendly, open and definately sexy that I've seen in a while. Definately my kind of people. Someone told me I had "such beautiful skin" she had to come over and meet me. I was reall touched when a girl told me she'd bought one of my books in Toronto and it inspired her to write a Zine - which she then gave to me. And some of the guys had smiles that -to be honest- could melt butter.
Thanks to everyone who bought one of my Chap Books and/ or took a fridge magnet/ or Glam Rock fashion pin. Send me an email. Let's meet again.
Saturday, November 19, 2005
What Can You Do?
Bills need to be paid. So in November and December, 2005 I'm having to put a lot of time into studying (in vain) my French books and attending evening and weekend French classes.
All for a slim chance of getting a new job - a job that requires more fluency in French. Any imporvment would be so good for me, as my current day job is a really toxic, office, file slinging, grind.
So often the only way out of hell seems to be through the head of a pin.
At least the red "Little Devil" boots are hot.
Bills need to be paid. So in November and December, 2005 I'm having to put a lot of time into studying (in vain) my French books and attending evening and weekend French classes.
All for a slim chance of getting a new job - a job that requires more fluency in French. Any imporvment would be so good for me, as my current day job is a really toxic, office, file slinging, grind.
So often the only way out of hell seems to be through the head of a pin.
At least the red "Little Devil" boots are hot.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
CD Review
Mackenzie MacBride
Glam Rock Revelations, CD
Normally I distribute all the music that arrives in the BP mailbox to my crack team of killer music reviewers. They are genetically modified to possess open ears and bullshit detectors. They can love like no other and hate, berate and express distaste for that which they deem inferior. They know their shit, but sometimes there is music that is beyond even their capabilities. Mackenzie MacBride is just that type of singer a jaded writer might easily dismiss, unable to appreciate her left field rock-opera ditties because they just don't fit any mould we're familiar with. That would be unfortunate because "Glam Rock Revelations" is a revelation. MacBride's synth-folk music and music teacher falsetto are original enough. Add ambiguous sexual politics expressed in smart and funny lyrics and you have something that still doesn't make sense after a dozen listens. That kind of confusion is a rare pleasure, and for now I'm keeping it to myself, but once you've read this, the secret is out. - Terence Dick, Broken Pencil Magazine, Issue 29, 2005.
____________________________________________________________________
I know better than a lot of people that one shouldn't quit, or continue being a musician just because of what reviewers say. Still, I sincerely thank Terrence Dick for the perceptiveness and professionalism he displayed when he wrote this review that refused to buy into the whole, "Duh, I've never heard this before! So, I must not like it!" reaction to unique music.
Mackenzie MacBride
Glam Rock Revelations, CD
Normally I distribute all the music that arrives in the BP mailbox to my crack team of killer music reviewers. They are genetically modified to possess open ears and bullshit detectors. They can love like no other and hate, berate and express distaste for that which they deem inferior. They know their shit, but sometimes there is music that is beyond even their capabilities. Mackenzie MacBride is just that type of singer a jaded writer might easily dismiss, unable to appreciate her left field rock-opera ditties because they just don't fit any mould we're familiar with. That would be unfortunate because "Glam Rock Revelations" is a revelation. MacBride's synth-folk music and music teacher falsetto are original enough. Add ambiguous sexual politics expressed in smart and funny lyrics and you have something that still doesn't make sense after a dozen listens. That kind of confusion is a rare pleasure, and for now I'm keeping it to myself, but once you've read this, the secret is out. - Terence Dick, Broken Pencil Magazine, Issue 29, 2005.
____________________________________________________________________
I know better than a lot of people that one shouldn't quit, or continue being a musician just because of what reviewers say. Still, I sincerely thank Terrence Dick for the perceptiveness and professionalism he displayed when he wrote this review that refused to buy into the whole, "Duh, I've never heard this before! So, I must not like it!" reaction to unique music.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Toronto Art and Culture Zine Fair 2005 - see photo below
I was in Toronto for the debut of my two new Chap Books, "Poems Even Your Boyfriend Would Understand" and "Tales Of A Half Caste Woman". I'm looking damn good considering I slept on someone's kitchen floor the night before and then showed up to the event 4 hours early after not remembering the time changed back. Angie and I used our "in advance" status to go check out a diner for what Angie called a "dirty breakfast". Otherwise known as a dirt cheap breakfast. Somehow I ended up with chili with chicken in it.
At the zine fair, aside from a few creeps, there was a lot of fun to be had and several hot people I hope to see again. I gave them Elle!She!Her! pins and hoped they would remember me.
All of the first prints of my chap books sold out. I'm going to do a second run of them. Hope you can get your copy soon. If you want one email me. Since each book is approximately $3.00 to print and postage is about $2.00 you're getting a bargain for the price of $6.00 a book. Or $10.00 for both. Canadian currency for Canada. US currency for International.
I was in Toronto for the debut of my two new Chap Books, "Poems Even Your Boyfriend Would Understand" and "Tales Of A Half Caste Woman". I'm looking damn good considering I slept on someone's kitchen floor the night before and then showed up to the event 4 hours early after not remembering the time changed back. Angie and I used our "in advance" status to go check out a diner for what Angie called a "dirty breakfast". Otherwise known as a dirt cheap breakfast. Somehow I ended up with chili with chicken in it.
At the zine fair, aside from a few creeps, there was a lot of fun to be had and several hot people I hope to see again. I gave them Elle!She!Her! pins and hoped they would remember me.
All of the first prints of my chap books sold out. I'm going to do a second run of them. Hope you can get your copy soon. If you want one email me. Since each book is approximately $3.00 to print and postage is about $2.00 you're getting a bargain for the price of $6.00 a book. Or $10.00 for both. Canadian currency for Canada. US currency for International.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
"Red Hot Luv"
- Photo Shoot for www.RattRestorations.com
One of a kind Rock And Roll furniture as modeled by a one of a kind Glam rocker.
- Photo Shoot for www.RattRestorations.com
One of a kind Rock And Roll furniture as modeled by a one of a kind Glam rocker.
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Elle! She! Her! website is getting its update in September, 2005.
Featuring some new cauterwauling synthed Glam Rock music from Mackenzie MacBride.
Elle! She! Her! pins. Celebrate femme self affirmation. Make a statement. Pins are a great gift.
Red Hot Elle! She! Her! Pins are available for free at:
Downtown Montreal, QC, Canada:
Centre 2110 of Concordia University
2110 Rue Mackay, Montreal Quebec
Information: 514-848-2424 x 7431
Verify the hours of operation before making the trip.
Downtown Ottawa, ON, Canada:
Venus Envy
613-789-4646
320 Lisgar Street,
Ottawa, ON, Canada
Downtown Toronto, ON, Canada:
Glad Day Bookshop
416-961-4161
598A Yonge Street,
Toronto, ON, Canada
Note:
Pins may be out of stock from time to time at certain locations. If you can't find yourself a pin at one of these locations please email mackenzie@mackenziemacbride.com
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Photos of 2004-2005.
Aug. 2005; Provincetown, Cape Cod, MA, USA; A bit of sun. A few song ideas.
Aug., 2005. Lake Champlain, Burlington, VT, USA. "You're A Big Girl Now" - Bob Dylan
Aug., 2005; Punk Rock Yard Sale, Ottawa, ON, Canada; Pin and CD Distribution
June, 2005 Pride, Toronto, ON, Canada. Pinning Elle! She! Her! .com pins on sexy people.
June, 2005. Kayak, Gatineau, QC, Canada. Around the time I was writing, "Do The Impossible".
June, 2005; Birthday, Mont Royal, Montreal, QC, Canada. Back to show Montreal a new me.
April, 2005. Fierte Conference, Montreal, QC, Canada. CD Giveaway.
March, 2005; Cabaret Night, Montreal, QC, Canada. CD Giveaway.
March, 2005; Dusty Owl Poetry Reading Series, Ottawa, ON, Canada. Reading bits and pieces.
More photos to be added when they are found in their hiding spots on the computer.
Aug. 2005; Provincetown, Cape Cod, MA, USA; A bit of sun. A few song ideas.
Aug., 2005. Lake Champlain, Burlington, VT, USA. "You're A Big Girl Now" - Bob Dylan
Aug., 2005; Punk Rock Yard Sale, Ottawa, ON, Canada; Pin and CD Distribution
June, 2005 Pride, Toronto, ON, Canada. Pinning Elle! She! Her! .com pins on sexy people.
June, 2005. Kayak, Gatineau, QC, Canada. Around the time I was writing, "Do The Impossible".
June, 2005; Birthday, Mont Royal, Montreal, QC, Canada. Back to show Montreal a new me.
April, 2005. Fierte Conference, Montreal, QC, Canada. CD Giveaway.
March, 2005; Cabaret Night, Montreal, QC, Canada. CD Giveaway.
March, 2005; Dusty Owl Poetry Reading Series, Ottawa, ON, Canada. Reading bits and pieces.
More photos to be added when they are found in their hiding spots on the computer.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Much Music Is The Stooge of Trash Pop Culture -
and Killer of the Canadian Independent Music Scene
Much Music, or MuchMusic or Much or whatever it calls itself exactly, does not support the Canadian Independent Music scene (CIMS). That’s well known. They play loads of terrible and disposable pop trash generated in the inner cities of America by people who are not trying to be talented but instead are just trying to turn a quick buck. Much Music thus turns a quick buck by playing it. And the youth of Canada grow up thinking terrible hack jobs are art. Worse, it subconsciously gives them the idea that art is made exclusively in the USA and that Canadian art and music is not done, or if it is done it is second rate.
But Much Music does worse than not support the CIMS. It pretends to be supportive of Canadian artists. Instead of being honest that it doesn’t. It gives the false impression that it does offer air play coverage and promotion to Canadian artists. Instead of being honest that it doesn’t. Thus Much Music creates false expectations for artists. And when artists do finally snap out of it and realize that Much Music is not supporting us, it is even harder to get the Canadian government and it’s arts and music initiatives to step in and provide more support to the CIMS. Because Much Music has convinced government that it is supporting Indie Canadian acts. So why would we need more support from government?
So Much Music is even less supportive than “not supportive” of the CIMS because through its pretending to be supportive, it creates the illusion that CIMS doesn’t need additional support. Which costs us support from government arts and music programs.
So Much Music. Just be honest. You are not supporting CIMS. Maybe then we could get on with scrapping away the illusion that the CIMS is supported. Once that illusion is exposed perhaps the Canadian government would realize the CIMS needs more support and programming for development of records and more regulations compelling Much Music to play more CIMS content. Instead of letting it be the stooge to disposable trash pop imports of the USA that pretends to support CIMS.
Case in point. At Toronto Pride 2005, while distributing the “Elle! She Her!” pins to promote my music and my take on femme self affirmation I encountered two post 20 junky VJs employed by Much Music to go through the streets looking snooty, young and disposable. (They do this well.) They also had a short pushy retired VJ turned behind the scenes sergeant directing their dim-witted selves from mindless sound byte to sound byte against the backdrop of Toronto Pride.
I made the mistake of asking the little sergeant woman if she and her VJ would wear my pins. They rudely refused saying that if they wore my pin, they’d have to wear everyone’s. This is such faulty logic. Who’s “everybody?” There was no line up of people behind me trying to stick Canadian Indie Music pins on them. Everybody was at home zoning out in front of the tv watching them being pretentious and creatively defeatist because the Much Music programming had brainwashed the viewers into thinking that they couldn’t or shouldn’t do anything creative in their own country. And if they did do something creative noone would care –especially Much Music. So why bother?
I persisted in a polite way. Asking if they could help in anyway. So the little sergeant decides to employ the strategy that her employer uses on the entire CIMS. Pretend to be supportive to get rid of them. She agreed to take a pin for her VJ. The VJ took the pin unenthusiastically and looked at it like it was a slug. I was told she’d where it “tomorrow.” Then I was banished form the set of mindless sound byte collecting.
So “tommorow” came. It was the Pride Parade day. There the snooty VJs and the little sergeant were. Collecting the sound bytes again. Spraying water guns and inciting the crowds to chant some lame Pride message into their lenses. And guess what. The trashy post 20 junky snooty VJ was not wearing my pin. They’d just pretended to be supportive. What a surprise.
So I stood as close to them as I could with an Elle! Pin in my outstretched hand. The camera man quickly zoomed away. As if the message “Elle! She! Her! .com was suddenly the most evil cult classic script that could ever be put on a pin. In the end I just decided it was too negative to pursue these VJ liars and phonies any further. Especially since getting in their face and calling them on their fuckery would probably have been grounds for the Toronto police to arrest me for being “crazy”. Since the VJ’s are celebrities. Entitled to all the preferential treatment and protection from their own social crimes that being a celebrity brings in this celebrity as god trash pop culture obsessed society in which we live. An obsession further fueled by the perpetrators themselves – Much Music.
So what’s the solution? What would I like to see? I’d like to see Much Music feature CIMS talent, including openly queer and diversity CIMS talent more prominently in it’s programming. And I’d like to see them get rid of those three lying, snide, snooty two –faced VJs. I don’t know their names nor do I want to. But I’ve included a picture of the smug trio. As you can see their real pieces of pop trash that don’t belong on anyone’s tv. Even on the tvs of someone who’s watching Much Music.
The Much Music Post 20 Junkies are in in the distant centre. They are (L to R): One of two snide metro-sexual blonde twin guys, fake trash who pretended she'd wear the pin holding mic, with afro and shades (she sees me and smiles innocently knowing full well she's a liar) and finally the short sergeant in pink tube top who lied to my face about getting Ms. Microphone beside her to wear my pin.
These pins cost money. If you're not going to wear them - don't lie by saying you'll wear pins, take pins from me and then not wear them. Your fakery costs me money.
and Killer of the Canadian Independent Music Scene
Much Music, or MuchMusic or Much or whatever it calls itself exactly, does not support the Canadian Independent Music scene (CIMS). That’s well known. They play loads of terrible and disposable pop trash generated in the inner cities of America by people who are not trying to be talented but instead are just trying to turn a quick buck. Much Music thus turns a quick buck by playing it. And the youth of Canada grow up thinking terrible hack jobs are art. Worse, it subconsciously gives them the idea that art is made exclusively in the USA and that Canadian art and music is not done, or if it is done it is second rate.
But Much Music does worse than not support the CIMS. It pretends to be supportive of Canadian artists. Instead of being honest that it doesn’t. It gives the false impression that it does offer air play coverage and promotion to Canadian artists. Instead of being honest that it doesn’t. Thus Much Music creates false expectations for artists. And when artists do finally snap out of it and realize that Much Music is not supporting us, it is even harder to get the Canadian government and it’s arts and music initiatives to step in and provide more support to the CIMS. Because Much Music has convinced government that it is supporting Indie Canadian acts. So why would we need more support from government?
So Much Music is even less supportive than “not supportive” of the CIMS because through its pretending to be supportive, it creates the illusion that CIMS doesn’t need additional support. Which costs us support from government arts and music programs.
So Much Music. Just be honest. You are not supporting CIMS. Maybe then we could get on with scrapping away the illusion that the CIMS is supported. Once that illusion is exposed perhaps the Canadian government would realize the CIMS needs more support and programming for development of records and more regulations compelling Much Music to play more CIMS content. Instead of letting it be the stooge to disposable trash pop imports of the USA that pretends to support CIMS.
Case in point. At Toronto Pride 2005, while distributing the “Elle! She Her!” pins to promote my music and my take on femme self affirmation I encountered two post 20 junky VJs employed by Much Music to go through the streets looking snooty, young and disposable. (They do this well.) They also had a short pushy retired VJ turned behind the scenes sergeant directing their dim-witted selves from mindless sound byte to sound byte against the backdrop of Toronto Pride.
I made the mistake of asking the little sergeant woman if she and her VJ would wear my pins. They rudely refused saying that if they wore my pin, they’d have to wear everyone’s. This is such faulty logic. Who’s “everybody?” There was no line up of people behind me trying to stick Canadian Indie Music pins on them. Everybody was at home zoning out in front of the tv watching them being pretentious and creatively defeatist because the Much Music programming had brainwashed the viewers into thinking that they couldn’t or shouldn’t do anything creative in their own country. And if they did do something creative noone would care –especially Much Music. So why bother?
I persisted in a polite way. Asking if they could help in anyway. So the little sergeant decides to employ the strategy that her employer uses on the entire CIMS. Pretend to be supportive to get rid of them. She agreed to take a pin for her VJ. The VJ took the pin unenthusiastically and looked at it like it was a slug. I was told she’d where it “tomorrow.” Then I was banished form the set of mindless sound byte collecting.
So “tommorow” came. It was the Pride Parade day. There the snooty VJs and the little sergeant were. Collecting the sound bytes again. Spraying water guns and inciting the crowds to chant some lame Pride message into their lenses. And guess what. The trashy post 20 junky snooty VJ was not wearing my pin. They’d just pretended to be supportive. What a surprise.
So I stood as close to them as I could with an Elle! Pin in my outstretched hand. The camera man quickly zoomed away. As if the message “Elle! She! Her! .com was suddenly the most evil cult classic script that could ever be put on a pin. In the end I just decided it was too negative to pursue these VJ liars and phonies any further. Especially since getting in their face and calling them on their fuckery would probably have been grounds for the Toronto police to arrest me for being “crazy”. Since the VJ’s are celebrities. Entitled to all the preferential treatment and protection from their own social crimes that being a celebrity brings in this celebrity as god trash pop culture obsessed society in which we live. An obsession further fueled by the perpetrators themselves – Much Music.
So what’s the solution? What would I like to see? I’d like to see Much Music feature CIMS talent, including openly queer and diversity CIMS talent more prominently in it’s programming. And I’d like to see them get rid of those three lying, snide, snooty two –faced VJs. I don’t know their names nor do I want to. But I’ve included a picture of the smug trio. As you can see their real pieces of pop trash that don’t belong on anyone’s tv. Even on the tvs of someone who’s watching Much Music.
The Much Music Post 20 Junkies are in in the distant centre. They are (L to R): One of two snide metro-sexual blonde twin guys, fake trash who pretended she'd wear the pin holding mic, with afro and shades (she sees me and smiles innocently knowing full well she's a liar) and finally the short sergeant in pink tube top who lied to my face about getting Ms. Microphone beside her to wear my pin.
These pins cost money. If you're not going to wear them - don't lie by saying you'll wear pins, take pins from me and then not wear them. Your fakery costs me money.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Personality Over Perfection Anyday
After reading a biography on Madonna recently I learned she started with a single. A single song. So I stopped what I was working on and said, "I need a single." I was standing in an office building at the time of this revelation. So I wasn't exactly in a very creativly inspiring environment to begin the project. But I started working away over the weeks. The result is a single called "Do The Impossible". Sure the song is aboout a boy, as these things often go. But the title could very well apply to the larger project of getting any type of buzz started for oneself in the music industry.
While getting to Toronto and introducing myself and my music to people at the annual Pride weekend festivities had seemed like a geographical and emotional "impossibility" I decided that I would do it. It was a last minute decision. Which made the project even harder to realize. Since none of the marketing infastructure was in place.
Throwing some passion, time, creativity and money - ug - at the project I am emerging with a new website called www.ellesheher.com and an Elle! She Her! red hot pin campaign. I'll be distributing the pins at Toronto Pride.
The single won't be fully recorded until July, but I've put up an audio snipet of the Live version in the meantime. After all, perfectionism is for people at my old university music school that sat in locked practice rooms in the basement all day playing music noone ever heard. All in the quest for perfection. What good did it do them? They might as well just opened the door and played for someone's enjoyment.
While I've done countless takes, I know my performances aren't perfect. But if even 1 person likes the music I sent out into the world, then showing my flaws is not only worth it, it's magic.
After reading a biography on Madonna recently I learned she started with a single. A single song. So I stopped what I was working on and said, "I need a single." I was standing in an office building at the time of this revelation. So I wasn't exactly in a very creativly inspiring environment to begin the project. But I started working away over the weeks. The result is a single called "Do The Impossible". Sure the song is aboout a boy, as these things often go. But the title could very well apply to the larger project of getting any type of buzz started for oneself in the music industry.
While getting to Toronto and introducing myself and my music to people at the annual Pride weekend festivities had seemed like a geographical and emotional "impossibility" I decided that I would do it. It was a last minute decision. Which made the project even harder to realize. Since none of the marketing infastructure was in place.
Throwing some passion, time, creativity and money - ug - at the project I am emerging with a new website called www.ellesheher.com and an Elle! She Her! red hot pin campaign. I'll be distributing the pins at Toronto Pride.
The single won't be fully recorded until July, but I've put up an audio snipet of the Live version in the meantime. After all, perfectionism is for people at my old university music school that sat in locked practice rooms in the basement all day playing music noone ever heard. All in the quest for perfection. What good did it do them? They might as well just opened the door and played for someone's enjoyment.
While I've done countless takes, I know my performances aren't perfect. But if even 1 person likes the music I sent out into the world, then showing my flaws is not only worth it, it's magic.
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Honour Where You Started and Go From There
It is my birthday this week. Another year older. It is hard to turn another year older. A lot of people don't get to live into their 20's and 30's. Whether they starve to death in Africa or commit suicide in a wave of dispair and lonliness brought on by experiencing homophobia in their small town. Whatever the varied reasons may be, they just don't make it through the years. So I should be grateful I'm still alive. Despite the odds.
But I'm not where I want to be. In terms of sucess. I'm sure a lot of people can relate. I just finished a biography on Madonna. And it is amzing how much she had acomplished creatively and in terms of commercial success by the time she was 30. Sure she had a lot of help in the form of a different musical starevery year, such as Prince, working behind the scenes to prop her up. But she was involved. A grate motivator of herself and others.
So on my birthday it becomes a necessary task to remind myself that for every 1 Madonna who went to NYC and became a star, thousands of others set out with the same dreams of success in the music business and ended up working in restaurants.
For myself, I've realized I can't compare myself to people who are born into conventional social and phyical-body realities and therefore live "mainstream" lives that by definition prevent them from experiencing obstacles many oppressed people face. Obstacles they don't know they don't know they face. Because they've never had to face them. So they are therefore not aware of these obstacles. Or that they aren't facing them.
Obstacles like systemic discrimination, lonliness, isolation, lack of resources and the impending depression and immobilization that all of these ills bring.
If I compare myself to these privlidged folks who havn't had to endure all of these obstacles just to survive, let alone to do anything creative, ofcourse I'm always going to come out looking like the loser. Because it isn't a fair comparison or a "level" playing field" as the cliche says.
Someone who starts out at 0 out of 10 everyday, 0 being a mainstream existance where society is not only not against you, but is for the most part for you and your success, will get from 0 to say 8, 9 or 10 out of 10 in their day's goals quite easily. But someone who is marginalized and oppressed starts out at like, negative (-) 5 out of 10 and then has to start clawing their way up past the obstacles to let's say +3 in any given day. And it's a hard fight to get to that + 3. Much harder, with much more sweat and energy expended, than the mainstreamer who's got to 8, 9 or 10 out of 10.
But anyone, including those of us who start out in the negative numbers every day, who looks at the +3 we got compared to the others' + 8 can easily start to feel down onourselves and our abilities if we don't make that important distinction between where marginalized people start our days on the numbers chart of -10 to + 10 compared to where mainstreamers start.
And forgetting this important distinction does us a further disservice because by getting down on ourselves we are more likely than ever to give up, say "I can't", not try, become depressed or curl up in bed. Then ofcourse we won't even get to the +3.
So I encourage everyone, including myself, to avoid trying to keep up with the Jones' or the Madonnas. Set your goals in terms of challenging yourself, not comparing yourself to others. Comparsions with others only leads to jealousy. Which is toxic to your system.
Recognize where you started on the numbers chart of - 10 to + 10 in your day, week, even life. We didn't all start at 0. If you started out in the negative numbers, or "in the red" as they say, then own that and give yourself permission to start from where you are. This way you'll be celebrating getting to +3 out of 10 in any given day. Instead of beating yourself up, getting discouraged and creating a cycle of negative self-fulfilling prophesy. And I bet by looking at our +3s as successes will only help us get to +4s out of 10 tomorrow.
It is my birthday this week. Another year older. It is hard to turn another year older. A lot of people don't get to live into their 20's and 30's. Whether they starve to death in Africa or commit suicide in a wave of dispair and lonliness brought on by experiencing homophobia in their small town. Whatever the varied reasons may be, they just don't make it through the years. So I should be grateful I'm still alive. Despite the odds.
But I'm not where I want to be. In terms of sucess. I'm sure a lot of people can relate. I just finished a biography on Madonna. And it is amzing how much she had acomplished creatively and in terms of commercial success by the time she was 30. Sure she had a lot of help in the form of a different musical starevery year, such as Prince, working behind the scenes to prop her up. But she was involved. A grate motivator of herself and others.
So on my birthday it becomes a necessary task to remind myself that for every 1 Madonna who went to NYC and became a star, thousands of others set out with the same dreams of success in the music business and ended up working in restaurants.
For myself, I've realized I can't compare myself to people who are born into conventional social and phyical-body realities and therefore live "mainstream" lives that by definition prevent them from experiencing obstacles many oppressed people face. Obstacles they don't know they don't know they face. Because they've never had to face them. So they are therefore not aware of these obstacles. Or that they aren't facing them.
Obstacles like systemic discrimination, lonliness, isolation, lack of resources and the impending depression and immobilization that all of these ills bring.
If I compare myself to these privlidged folks who havn't had to endure all of these obstacles just to survive, let alone to do anything creative, ofcourse I'm always going to come out looking like the loser. Because it isn't a fair comparison or a "level" playing field" as the cliche says.
Someone who starts out at 0 out of 10 everyday, 0 being a mainstream existance where society is not only not against you, but is for the most part for you and your success, will get from 0 to say 8, 9 or 10 out of 10 in their day's goals quite easily. But someone who is marginalized and oppressed starts out at like, negative (-) 5 out of 10 and then has to start clawing their way up past the obstacles to let's say +3 in any given day. And it's a hard fight to get to that + 3. Much harder, with much more sweat and energy expended, than the mainstreamer who's got to 8, 9 or 10 out of 10.
But anyone, including those of us who start out in the negative numbers every day, who looks at the +3 we got compared to the others' + 8 can easily start to feel down onourselves and our abilities if we don't make that important distinction between where marginalized people start our days on the numbers chart of -10 to + 10 compared to where mainstreamers start.
And forgetting this important distinction does us a further disservice because by getting down on ourselves we are more likely than ever to give up, say "I can't", not try, become depressed or curl up in bed. Then ofcourse we won't even get to the +3.
So I encourage everyone, including myself, to avoid trying to keep up with the Jones' or the Madonnas. Set your goals in terms of challenging yourself, not comparing yourself to others. Comparsions with others only leads to jealousy. Which is toxic to your system.
Recognize where you started on the numbers chart of - 10 to + 10 in your day, week, even life. We didn't all start at 0. If you started out in the negative numbers, or "in the red" as they say, then own that and give yourself permission to start from where you are. This way you'll be celebrating getting to +3 out of 10 in any given day. Instead of beating yourself up, getting discouraged and creating a cycle of negative self-fulfilling prophesy. And I bet by looking at our +3s as successes will only help us get to +4s out of 10 tomorrow.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Disco Era Heat Wave
I’m always happy when the month of June arrives. In a frigid northern Canadian climate where it is face- scrunchingly cold, dead to greenery and blisteringly winded for 8 months of the year, June marks the 1st of 4 months of the year, that I’ve never had to endure snow stingling my face or wear a winter scarf. All the other months of the year I’ve had to. Yes whether it’s watching a blizzard in Halifax, NS in May or bundling up in mittens in Ottawa, On during the 1st week in October I’ve had to.
So June is a real oasis for the body and soul from the long-lasting icy, clawing grip of winter. I was born in June. Apparently it was so hot the June I was born my mother slept outside under the deck for the 2 weeks prior to my birth. My father recently declared that this heat wave must have been responsible for me being, in his estimation, what he calls “touched in the head”.
I’m always happy when the month of June arrives. In a frigid northern Canadian climate where it is face- scrunchingly cold, dead to greenery and blisteringly winded for 8 months of the year, June marks the 1st of 4 months of the year, that I’ve never had to endure snow stingling my face or wear a winter scarf. All the other months of the year I’ve had to. Yes whether it’s watching a blizzard in Halifax, NS in May or bundling up in mittens in Ottawa, On during the 1st week in October I’ve had to.
So June is a real oasis for the body and soul from the long-lasting icy, clawing grip of winter. I was born in June. Apparently it was so hot the June I was born my mother slept outside under the deck for the 2 weeks prior to my birth. My father recently declared that this heat wave must have been responsible for me being, in his estimation, what he calls “touched in the head”.
Thursday, May 26, 2005
It Could Be Toilet Bowl Clearners
Wondering if, "Children Playing" signs can be considered lies if no children can be seen playing. Wondering who still eats ant McDonalds and Burger King. Wondering how batteries work. Wondering how sun screen works. Wondering how thunder and lightning works.
Wonderng how long I will have to sit in an office cubicle by day. Stopped at Zellers today. Can you imagine being in the position of having to work in the basement of a Zellers in the House Hold goods section, wearing a red and black heavy tee shirt that reads "Zellers" and being asked the following question, "Do you have toilet bowl brushes in stands?". It's true that "an honest living is a good living" but I just couldn't do this job. So as much as office administration work does not tanslate into passion, purpose or meaning, at least it doesn't involve toilet bowl brushes.
And I'm thankful for that.
Wondering if, "Children Playing" signs can be considered lies if no children can be seen playing. Wondering who still eats ant McDonalds and Burger King. Wondering how batteries work. Wondering how sun screen works. Wondering how thunder and lightning works.
Wonderng how long I will have to sit in an office cubicle by day. Stopped at Zellers today. Can you imagine being in the position of having to work in the basement of a Zellers in the House Hold goods section, wearing a red and black heavy tee shirt that reads "Zellers" and being asked the following question, "Do you have toilet bowl brushes in stands?". It's true that "an honest living is a good living" but I just couldn't do this job. So as much as office administration work does not tanslate into passion, purpose or meaning, at least it doesn't involve toilet bowl brushes.
And I'm thankful for that.
Sunday, May 08, 2005
FOR THE BEST
So many memories today. It started out with waking up from a dream that featured a girl I knew in high school. She was involved in witnessing someone pull a gun and later shoot someone. The setting was a former cold war Nova Scotia bomb bunker turned community college building I attended years after I knew her. Also, interlaced with the dream was a theme of me loosing "expensive" (to me that is) jewelry. This theme came out of recent times when I waxed poetic about a lost pendant that later turned out to be hiding under the sofa I was waxing on.
Over the radio that squawking was about the 60th Anniversary of WW2 ending. I remember where I was when the radio was blathering on about the 50th Anniversary of WW2 ending. I was in the midst of my own war. I'd recently run away from home without any money. I was taken in by a suspect, ogling, old gay priest with HIV who ran around in leopard print underwear. I'm sure I'm one of the few people who still remembers him or thinks about him. Unfortunately for me! The house I stayed in with him was later torn down to make an overpass to the bridge over the harbour between Halifax and Dartmouth Nova Scotia. Despite all these struggles all my mother could think to do was scold me about not putting more importance in the WW2 anniversary when she phoned me that Sunday 10 years ago. (People say I have a good memory Define good I say!)
Later in the day, on a drive out around town I spotted a tiny camping trailer. (Picture a large egg turned on its side with wheels.) My family had taken a trip to PEI in one of these little cans probably pushing 20 years ago. I remember my father snoring and the oppressive heat generated by 4 people being in the tiny fiber glassed egg of a trailer. I remember episodes of excitement such as spotting a great blue heron. Then there was sneaking into the shower room to see if any nude men and their "great blue herons" could be spotted. And finally a bunch some campers offering us all of their condiments, ketchup, relish and all, since they were leaving the camp ground. My parents refused the condiments citing, "Who knows where they've been!" My brother and I were left to wonder where the condiments could have been!- besides the cooler.
On the drive I completed a long desired goal of finding the two little houses I almost bought in 2002. Bedraggled, far from down town, one with slum on either side the other an in descript piece of a generic row house complex. At the time it seemed like a big loss not to have bought these houses. As I drove back downtown I couldn't have been happier with the way these residential matters had gone. I tried to apply this lesson to the broader context of my life. I had a bit of success. Basically, while not everything that happened to me over the years has been the best, and I would have chosen less torturous methods to get to the good stuff in life if I could have, at least the troubles and events have brought about a life that is for the best. I found myself in a moment of contentedness for the way things are. Rare for me, especially on a Sunday evening.
So many memories today. It started out with waking up from a dream that featured a girl I knew in high school. She was involved in witnessing someone pull a gun and later shoot someone. The setting was a former cold war Nova Scotia bomb bunker turned community college building I attended years after I knew her. Also, interlaced with the dream was a theme of me loosing "expensive" (to me that is) jewelry. This theme came out of recent times when I waxed poetic about a lost pendant that later turned out to be hiding under the sofa I was waxing on.
Over the radio that squawking was about the 60th Anniversary of WW2 ending. I remember where I was when the radio was blathering on about the 50th Anniversary of WW2 ending. I was in the midst of my own war. I'd recently run away from home without any money. I was taken in by a suspect, ogling, old gay priest with HIV who ran around in leopard print underwear. I'm sure I'm one of the few people who still remembers him or thinks about him. Unfortunately for me! The house I stayed in with him was later torn down to make an overpass to the bridge over the harbour between Halifax and Dartmouth Nova Scotia. Despite all these struggles all my mother could think to do was scold me about not putting more importance in the WW2 anniversary when she phoned me that Sunday 10 years ago. (People say I have a good memory Define good I say!)
Later in the day, on a drive out around town I spotted a tiny camping trailer. (Picture a large egg turned on its side with wheels.) My family had taken a trip to PEI in one of these little cans probably pushing 20 years ago. I remember my father snoring and the oppressive heat generated by 4 people being in the tiny fiber glassed egg of a trailer. I remember episodes of excitement such as spotting a great blue heron. Then there was sneaking into the shower room to see if any nude men and their "great blue herons" could be spotted. And finally a bunch some campers offering us all of their condiments, ketchup, relish and all, since they were leaving the camp ground. My parents refused the condiments citing, "Who knows where they've been!" My brother and I were left to wonder where the condiments could have been!- besides the cooler.
On the drive I completed a long desired goal of finding the two little houses I almost bought in 2002. Bedraggled, far from down town, one with slum on either side the other an in descript piece of a generic row house complex. At the time it seemed like a big loss not to have bought these houses. As I drove back downtown I couldn't have been happier with the way these residential matters had gone. I tried to apply this lesson to the broader context of my life. I had a bit of success. Basically, while not everything that happened to me over the years has been the best, and I would have chosen less torturous methods to get to the good stuff in life if I could have, at least the troubles and events have brought about a life that is for the best. I found myself in a moment of contentedness for the way things are. Rare for me, especially on a Sunday evening.
Friday, May 06, 2005
DRAMATIC EPISODES
As I mentioned before, "Law and Order" loves to do episodes on transsexuals. This past week the show was at it again. Just like a recent, "Cold Squad" episode the father found out about the son liking a ts girl. Then the son and father went ballistic. I've been through something similar to this type of pain and degradation. I'm thankful I figured out when it was time to walk away. In this episode, the father and son went and killed the girl. Two more people that could have been happy but ended up miserable and dead because of bigotry and people not owning their shit.
Another of my favourite shows, "Third Watch" ended this week. Call it pathetic -but only if you forget to walk a mile in my shoes first- but these characters used to keep me company in the late 90's and early 00's.
The show ending reminded me of another show ending. "Melrose Place" was a real favourite of mine. The day it ended I was sitting in a motel room on the edge of Nova Scotia about to shove off on a ferry boat for the USA to work as tourism worker at the dock of Bar Harbor, Maine. It didn't know what I was getting into. I should tell that story sometime.
As I mentioned before, "Law and Order" loves to do episodes on transsexuals. This past week the show was at it again. Just like a recent, "Cold Squad" episode the father found out about the son liking a ts girl. Then the son and father went ballistic. I've been through something similar to this type of pain and degradation. I'm thankful I figured out when it was time to walk away. In this episode, the father and son went and killed the girl. Two more people that could have been happy but ended up miserable and dead because of bigotry and people not owning their shit.
Another of my favourite shows, "Third Watch" ended this week. Call it pathetic -but only if you forget to walk a mile in my shoes first- but these characters used to keep me company in the late 90's and early 00's.
The show ending reminded me of another show ending. "Melrose Place" was a real favourite of mine. The day it ended I was sitting in a motel room on the edge of Nova Scotia about to shove off on a ferry boat for the USA to work as tourism worker at the dock of Bar Harbor, Maine. It didn't know what I was getting into. I should tell that story sometime.
Sunday, May 01, 2005
My Past Sat Next To Me
Old churches. I've been in an old church tonight. To see a choral concert. I have now been to four of these concerts. Two Christmas and two Spring. I feel so appreciative to be there. To watch someone I love sing.
Each concert seems to mark time. Each stands out. Like it records in my mind an official record of what was going on in my life around the time of the concert. For example, the first Christmas concert was a time when I had just gotten out of the hospital. I didn't know if I was living or dying, laughing or crying. I was basically doing all of it. Starting a new life. With all of the luggage and themes from the old life in tow. Trying to understand the motivations for making new starts even after they've been made. Trying to reconcile and make peace with my expectations new starts that were shattered and didn't come to pass. Lost. Found. Soul deep in love. It was a dramatic, magical and never to be repeated time.
But the church looks the same. And it will look the same 50 years after I'm gone. I think of all the souls that have passed through the doors. What was on their minds? Where did they go in their lives? Are they sitting beside me in the pews, invisible?" Old churches magnify the passage of time to the point that I feel anxious. But at least the magnifying reminds me again that time is precious. To make as many beautiful memories as possible. We will all join the invisible church goers in the pews soon enough. And we want to have some memories to trade with them when we arrive.
Old churches. I've been in an old church tonight. To see a choral concert. I have now been to four of these concerts. Two Christmas and two Spring. I feel so appreciative to be there. To watch someone I love sing.
Each concert seems to mark time. Each stands out. Like it records in my mind an official record of what was going on in my life around the time of the concert. For example, the first Christmas concert was a time when I had just gotten out of the hospital. I didn't know if I was living or dying, laughing or crying. I was basically doing all of it. Starting a new life. With all of the luggage and themes from the old life in tow. Trying to understand the motivations for making new starts even after they've been made. Trying to reconcile and make peace with my expectations new starts that were shattered and didn't come to pass. Lost. Found. Soul deep in love. It was a dramatic, magical and never to be repeated time.
But the church looks the same. And it will look the same 50 years after I'm gone. I think of all the souls that have passed through the doors. What was on their minds? Where did they go in their lives? Are they sitting beside me in the pews, invisible?" Old churches magnify the passage of time to the point that I feel anxious. But at least the magnifying reminds me again that time is precious. To make as many beautiful memories as possible. We will all join the invisible church goers in the pews soon enough. And we want to have some memories to trade with them when we arrive.
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