Tuesday, April 20, 2004


Well. It is two months away from my birthday today. I like birthdays. They indicate success. I am still on the journey.
("I am still in the game.") This is why I celebrate monthly birthdays. For me they are the 20th of every month. A reminder to enjoy every day's good moments.

I recently put up a string of patio lanterns on my balcony. They really brighten up my downtown view. I've been in my apartment for going on 2 years. Why didn't I think of this before? I've had patio lanterns on other balconies in the past. (Never mind that they were the stick in the ground kind which I won from a radio contest. They worked.)

I didn't think of it before now because I was taking care of the basics. And I mean the basics. Stuff most people never have to think about. The work that is invisible to most people as it is what I had to do to get to ground level. To Zero. The place most people started from. So why would they consider the work those of us who start in the negative numbers have to do to get to Zero?

So yes. My mind was "St. Elsewhere". What a great experience to have the 1% brain functioning free to conceptualize putting up some lights. Next I hope to replant my Peace Lily Plant. One of my favourite gifts ever from one of the dearest people ever. I've got the pot and the special dirt. Soil I suppose the manufacturer wants me to call it. So therefore I call it "the dirt."

One of my quotations from the Winter of 2004 was "Fight the Zero". Meaning: Resist stagnating. Resist being like everyone else. Stop "Keeping up with the Jones". Resist being a number. The joy to life is not in the "status quo". Make a contribution. Be remembered for something special. Put a scratch on the glass of infinity that says:

"I was here."

Thursday, April 08, 2004

The Bus Stops of Life

There is a bus stop in downtown Ottawa, Ontario, Canada where I find myself almost everyday. Waiting for some bus or other. People watching. And certainly being people watched! Thousands of people living out thousands more stories pass through there everyday.

I actually can’t stand this bus stop. Concrete is all around. It is such a contrast from the greenery and nature that surrounded me in the past. People most often seem grim and down on their luck. At the very least they are impatient. Impatience breeds more impatience. It is infectious. I can’t wait to get out of there each time. I close my eyes.

Recently I reflected on two of "my stories" that involved this bus stop:

December 15, 2003: I was in a lot of physicial and emotional pain. I had just been deeply hurt by a barage of mean and accusatory words from someone very special to me. Amidst the miscommunications and fear based decision making there had been the old faithful declaration that we would “never speak again”. To me it was a huge loss for both of us. I had to drag myself down the street. Crying and sobbing. My dear friend Angie was there to prop me up literally. I did not want to go on. I was consumed by grief.

March 15, 2004: I sat across the street from this bus stop at a fancy Asian restaurant with the same special someone having one of the best times of my life. Laughing and talking. Healing scars. Transcending our tendancies to gravitate into misery. Participating in happiness with each other.

Great Realization: With the assistance of the passage of time, one single place can be the backdrop for vastly different perspectives, events, lows and highs.

Ofcourse, Murphy’s Law, my life is sure to take some more tumbles. So, next time I feel like GIVING UP I will remember this bus stop. If I had given up in December, 2003 I would never have known the joys of 2004. When a person holds on through the hard times they can arrive at a place where they “get the goodies”.

Perserverance in a word.

See you at the bus stop.