Roughed Up

The rest of November was quiet for me. Regrettably I was victim to an episode of hatred in Ottawa, ON, on November 12 th from a random bigot, which was quite traumatic for me, and necessitated a call to the police. (The police still haven't completed their work.)

This trouble at least renewed my inner dialogue to be more gentle with myself, and also to continue my quest for building regularly scheduled calm into my week. I feel like I'm in an intriguing recovery mode from many burdens and health hazards. Luckily I have received the wake up call in time for me to be more proactive about my health.

He's 100% Not Interested

It has occured to me that we are all unwanted by someone. This point was accentuated for me recently when a very handsome man told me a story about a woman who didn't want him.

Being unwanted seems really unfair - devestating even- when this happens to us. (Why doesn't s/he want to date you/me?)

The only answer I've come up with to answer the perverbial "Why?" is that if everyone wanted /desired the same person, that person would be mauled and trampled to death. While the rest of us would be lonely old bachelors and spinsters in our beds. So, basically, the world wouldn't function. Wedding cakes wouldn't be ordered. Carrabian cruises for two wouldn't be booked. You know?

So, really the only solution for being unwanted is to remind ourselves:

- Take comfort that this is just the way world has to turn in order to function, and be glad for the world for it's functioning

- Stop beating your head against someone who is apathetic about your wonderful and sexy self

- Start look for someone who does find you facinating and want you

10 Cents A Song

I attended the 2007 Canadian Songwriter's Symposium. I may not have had any business there, considering I can barely spell, "symposium"; but since I showed up to the event a week early, I decided I owed it to myself to at least go back on the right day.

In brief, I went as a sceptic. For a couple of reasons. One being: Can songwriting really be taught? (No, but there's a $$$ dollar a year industry that will tell you otherwise.) Second, I went to this event in 2005. I had a "professional" songwriter evaluate my song. (He was professional for co-writing a Rod Stewart song from 1989 and a few terrible "filler songs" on a Cher album. Oh, and I think he wrote a song for the "Cocktail" soundtrack.) Anyway, he told me, "your songs are too personal" and, "never sing your demos again." ( I went on to play every festival I wanted to play.)

This time around someone who partially wrote an Allanah Myles song in 1987 showed up and explained how he thought of the song. And he threw in a few video clips of interviews with Neil Young and Tina Turner (this relates how) for good measure. He then went on to tell us "success" stories of making "loads of money" writing songs for a Hilary Duff Disney special. He also told us he had assembled the "songwriting writing team" for the tragic Canadian "drama" called, "Instant Star." Just for a laugh, I eventually asked him how I could get a job as one of the songwriters on, "Instant Star." He told me that he only hired "known writers" and that the business was "very hard." Translation: Thanks for spending $29.00 on my seminar, now get your nose out of my songwriting business.

There were some friendly folks in the room. All we could do was try to laugh our assess off at our common fate of being writers. I know I did.

Looking Back on 10 + Years in Indie Rock

Considering I started out a runaway teenager with nothing but a dream and a few plastic grocery bags of my possessions, considering the years I was hassled just for walking down the street, considering the "huh? what's that? Never heard of That - Must not like it!" mentality of the main stream music biz, considering all this well, it's pretty amazing that I have been able to get to the point where I had a band and made music in public at all, let all played big music festivals and was a hit.

Along the way I encountered all the cliche negative forces:

- as soon as people think you "have something", they want a piece of it
- jealous people (hilarious, as if most of these jealous souls had my handful of cards they'd fold)
- special interest groups trying to claim you or define you or limit you with their labels
- music cliques
- musicians I booked for shows not returning the favour
- people who quit with no notice

But also many positive forces:

- sister solidarity
- kindred spirits doing their writing and reflecting
- cheers, applause and encores! from the crowds who felt touched by my music
- meeting friendly new people
- feeling that I did it despite the odds

The Super Model Syndrome was a group of friends, acquaintances, hired hands and excellent musicians. Our main accomplishment was that we offered unique subversive music that had not previously been seen in homogeneous music towns like Ottawa, ON.

I wanted the Super Model Syndrome to go out with a big bang rather than a fizz. So, I chose Pop Montreal, 2007 as the the gig that would be our last show as a band. And what a bang it was. (Description in a previous entry.)

I will now return to my roots, and simultaneously move forward, by working as a one woman show.

I am actively seeking to play only a limited number of shows in 2008. So, if you have an audience that would appreciate "heart music" (honesty, humility, stories, simplicity and soul) then please do get in touch with me to further discuss. In a band and want to book a gig together? Also worth chatting about.