Too Close

...The snow is flying around my ears like butterflies. And I’m leaving phone messages on answering machines so I won’t be tempted...

Tender

...You’ve shown up with wet hair. Looking like a child. Lost and disoriented in a crowd...

Repairs

...you appeared and disappeared within the span of these dark months. Plus another five odd days. But all those moments in your apartment listening...

Alive Again

...And in the morning the pipes were seized up. Someone forgot to keep the water running all winter. We forgot...

80s Rock All Over Again

...I asked God for your love for a lifetime. Now I’m trying to find a night when you could come over for an hour. To be alone. Oh Jesus, to be alone...

Upstairs

...I waited for years on end in little rooms without a lost soul calling. So now that I have a chance to go see you in the attic, I want to mention every mouse and every old newspaper clipping I see...

Another Night Of Theatre

...I stand outside myself and just watch the picnic blanket unroll with a crack into the wind. All of the extended family members of chaos have come to sit in the sun. Can I have a few bread crumbs? What about some of that suntan lotion that expired half way through last summer?...

Amusement

...Immediately inside there was a small iron train engine and some old fashioned cars. You could climb in them, but they didn’t go anywhere...

Footsteps

...Thought you were gonna tell me when you left. Play it on your homemade autoharp made of multi coloured yard sticks. In a cardboard box that should had an blue felt hat made around 1890...

Asleep

...In late Spring you’d have to taste every row of fresh green beans to find what’s left of me. But for you I would race through the traffic on a bus that was full of people and smelling of pepperoni. I’d bang on the door of the store that closed at 6 pm at 6:03 pm...

Fading

...I was ready to stand in the pit and look up at you at the edge. As we work the writer’s saw up and down by hand...

Dishes To Do

...There’s even peaches or pears on the side. Your choice. I got you both...

Aisle

...It's all such a boutique. Just a bit of wrapping ribbon to tie your wrists. Don't squirm too much...

You Can't Deny

...And as I lay there on the wet snow. With blood blooming as if it were a Spring rose, all I could think was “I’m too beautiful for this...

Resist

...And I played hookie from your padded cell. With every corner bright as the apocalypse under those florescent lights. Long and skinny and running with the heft of miniature subway cars...

Satisfied

...Should I watch the net rise with the incoming tide. Then return up the wooden stairs. Painted brown once a year. And wait. Wait the 8 hours. Watch the sky. Until the tide goes out again?...

Cheap Words

...On a dream that cost 2 thousand dollars at a minimum. And I’m exhausted from the fishing I have to do...

Only

...Of all the lies I told, there’s some truths I know. I know that love aint a sin. No matter how many directions it goes. I won’t have to ask the angels to overlook it...

Pocket

...Staring at the pursed red lips I got for Valentines and the starfish’s corpse outfitted with a decorative plaque that says “dream.” I prayed you would be back...

Verdict

...If that’s what it will take. For the jury to see that I can’t judge myself by the same standards of music, of beauty or even luck...

Brush Stroke

...And I was made to feel like a nuisance when I came over during the proceedings. And I didn’t get to see the watercolour results...

Tricks

...And somehow the word “Destroyed entered my mind in 3D...

Tricks

...And somehow the word “Destroyed entered my mind in 3D...

Scrub

...Silverware clutters under the soap suds. Deep inside my mind. Please. Not one more bent dinner fork...

Stitches

..And the truth is I’ve had an accident. I paid my life’s fortune to take that medicine man's ride...

Every Issue

...People say it’s all I talk about now. I recite the article aloud. I don’t need to run my eyes over the type face...

Wing

...Then there is silence. And I forget to check to see if they got out into the sky at the chimney’s top. Or whether they are dead on the grate...

Tred

...Right now the wind is whispering in my ear. Telling me that highway is the way I have to go...

Temp Work

...Staring at our temporary reflections. Being cast back down at us. Our noses and cheeks reflecting in the ripples of a slowly moving but ever so giant stream...

Dealer

...If noone came to buy the car of the week then we would eat just a little less boiled potatoes...

Not So Forbidden

...Went to the washroom. Looked in the mirror. Washed the diner taste out off my mouth. Only to come back to the table. And find the only shiny dime I’ve ever known is stolen...

Horn

...It took you coming out of the desert. Another lost soul showing me the shine of their soul under their dusty skin...

Reform

...Dragged in on winter boots and left there like memories of kissing you in the door...

Motives

...To stop feeling alone for one blazing instant. Just a crutch under my sweating armpit...

Tinny Sounding Tune

...And walking down the street with your arms around me. And coming face to face with people who hold me when I cry over you...

Bricked Up Window

...I havn't slept more than a few hours since the possibility of gettin' what what I want first came into my consciousness. Like an long gone lover reaching out to me in a dream. And me not being able to look away...

Precious

...Their arches no longer make giant dounut holes. Framing the sky between their knees and the red beach sand...

Chimes

...Just knowing. I said, "She is here." It wasn't cheesy like a widgy board at a junior high party. It was wonderful...

Morning's Truth

...And after I've sighed, When will you be back?" about a hundred times I turn my mind to other subjects. Turn it like a Pontiac doing handbrake turns...

Thrown

...And now we come to it. Decending the stairs I refused to tread down last summer...

Dance

...That's when it was cooler and you could go outside. Drive to the coast with your mother at the wheel...

Farm

...It's all what you focus on. The food in your belly or the chicken between your teeth. The view of the ocean we can almost see from here...

Still Searchin'

...Let a little gold dust fall from their cheeks when they open the door for me and start to smile...

Pictures

...More than the Dali Lama's love. At 50 % off...

Swing

...Oh set me free! Get me a small mirror. Or the face of a watch. So I can hold it up to the sky...

The Many and The Few

Sometimes it is best to remember some people would do almost anything to have these kinds of problems.

Legacy

...The legacy of your intimate and my stranger lives on in both of us...

Your Size

Oh miracle of thread, spool and supply .

Annonymous Again

...The world of stars is not for the mortals that yearn, grind and plead...

Proof

...I have someone to see tonight. A picture to put in their hand...

Last Chance At The Sea

...Have I been inland so long that I would even consider not going?...

Snow In The West

...The snowboarder is friendly. The only one who isn't trying to sell me something who speaks to me...

Cake

...I raised up the waves. Kissed my hands one at a time...

Your Eyes

...Walking down Granville St. with a hot chocolate in my hand...

Vancouver Tour

I will do some shows in Vancouver, BC between January 27 and 29 th. Following the urgings of my soul (and a friendly concert organizer), this seems like the right time to visit Canada's West Coast for the first time.

Phone Call The Same

...Was right to hesitiate four years ago...

Sky

...We go our seperate ways. For an eternity of a few days...

Further

...Reminded of all this. It was good. The soup at the Holiday Inn was not...

Escape

...Was really glad that I had a plane ticket and not a mortgage...

Signs

...What was so long denied. Actually at ease...

Trust

Trusting is best done after reading the warning signs correctly. Now you tell me. Why not me? Because I'm from the ocean. Because I trust too much.

Devestating News

...Lingered in a place once peaceful. Then chaos...

Storms

...Scrunched up some hair. What a look...

Been Here

...I did a lot of weeping at the Hayden concert...

Temporarily

...Chains weren't broken. Just loosened. Tight once again...

Cherry

...But still there is no silence untangling from the thorns choking the path...

Comedy

...It's squeaky, it's red, what fun - but it too will burst...

Mountains

...Rare and beautiful souls but much rocky terrain...

Damn Pet Circus

...I heard from a friend when all seemed lost...

Rumours

...Don't know the details. It was all hush hush...

Ocean Find Me

Every time I go swimming I end up imagining I am lost at sea. Out in the middle of some tropical sea. Trying to stay alive in the ways Terrified of being eaten by sharks. Then a life guard yells, "one at a time" to the kids on the diving board, and someone else floats by on a flutter board. I snap back to "reality". Sort of. I long for the open ocean.

Youth

...I'm in a whole new generation of myself. So how about that...

Concert

I will perform at Cafe Nostagica in Ottawa, ON. This evening. I have music to share without the burden of posters, sound crews and backing bands. It feels good. I am trying again.

Hot Stuff

I listend as a mother told her child, "Bethany ferns can be poisionous." Bethany stuck her toungue out further and fatter towards the fern.

Though it defies the good sense and survival instincts gifted to most mammals, humans seem to learn to knowingly reach out for trouble from a young age.

"He's not good for you." (Wonder if he'll go on a date with me?)
"Why don't you wait and see? (Because I want it now.)
"Spending time over there is going to cause you drama." (Let me get my coat on.)

If dancing with trouble is how humans learn, then you'd think we'd be smarter. The only rationale for this behaviour is others' expereinces of reality seems to be less beleivable than our own.

"The stove is hot." (Let me touch it for myself.)

Sometimes the best way to learn is to ask someone who's been through it. Whatever "it" is. After all the stove really is hot. Why burn your hand needlessly.

(Because sometimes a good burn reminds me I'm alive?)

Searching


Some people are looking for others' company in there standing stillness. I'm looking for my own company in my moving forward-ness.

Warning

...When you told me not to talk about the weird stuff...

Between The Rhymes

I finally got around to having that New Year's champagne. I'm celebrating being more honest in 2008 than in 2007 and I'm only six days in.

When I reach the end of my journey I'm going to smile to know that I've lived my life like poetry. Sure some people can't deal with it. They can read newspapers.

Amoungst the Ruins

In 1999 I was sitting in a frozen Chevy Cavalier in the parking lot of a Community College in the dark. Listening to the "Top 9 At Nine." Trying to will myself into going inside the building and attending my "Basics Of Accounting" course. I had no job. No prospects. Talents. But it was all in the wrong package. So decreed the world around me. Britney Spears, meanwhile, at the age of 17, had just had the #1 song of 1998. (The title needs no repeating.) ahead of even Cher's "Believe." ("Do you Believe In Life After Love?" is always a sentiment worth repeating.) Britney was on the radio this night in the Chevy. I hauled ass into the accounting class. Debits credits. Ledger lines. I still don't know to this day! Now, flash ahead 9 years and Britney has been taken from her mansion in California strapped down to a stretcher. Then put in a "mental lockdown" in a Los Angeles hospital.

As it is, here's too many office workers reading the celebrity pages of "Ottawa Metro Magazine!" as they ride to work on the bus. (An awful, yet compelling, sight I witness daily.) So my point is not to discuss celebrity gossip. Especially when there are children starving in the world and whale populations dwindling. Rather to rememeber that, while it is hard, try not to be jealous of others; because we never know where they're going to end up. Or where we'll end up.

I may not be at the Top of the Pops or on the cover of Meglomania magazine. But I am not strapped to a stretcher either. There's all sorts of local celebrities ass-kiss networking their way onto radio specials and leaving me in the dust. But I find being in the dust is such an artistic place to be.

I don't want to be a jealous person. I avoid the few misguided fools who have stated they are jealous of me.


I did pass that basic accounting course. I forget who did the homework assingments for me...

Show Me

Glad my book of "daily lessons" reminded me we have a lot to learn in this life, and some of it comes from what others observations of us.

"I've been told to work harder by the lazy. To be more on time by those broken down on the road. To communicate better by the brick wall. "

Not the easiest lesson: that others have lessons for us. I spent most of my teenaged years yelling, "Don't criticize me!" It became a quote people associated with me. (That and the Whitney Housten lyrics taped in my locker.) Well no more. Now I say, "Criticize me baby. Tell it to me like it is. So I can tell it to you the same way. Oh yes... just like that."

In Life the Milk Is Always Kept In the Back Corner

I walked through the grocery store, because I had a sense I would seee a friend. Wasn't sure which one. I did see a freind. Who I'd been thinking about. In this case, no problem. But it did start me thinking - thinking about thinking about people. It can be embarrassing. Or grand. It definately leads somewhere. Often to the person being thought of. It doesn't go unnoticed by the stars. this thinking about people. Help me. It's too beautiful.

Laugh Anyway

My grandmother has been gone 3 years today. She is still here.

She was a fan of irony.

She would have liked when I stood at the steam tables in the cafeteria with the other drones. What a contradiction. What an irony.

She would have liked to hear (the blind) Jeff Healey sing "Angel Eyes", up to and including, "I could look but I could never touch!" For politically correct zealots possibly offensive. For fans of irony - hilarious! Jeff Healey himself probably gets a laugh at this.

Anew

Who can say where the road leads, only time" - Enya

This year I'm getting away from the woman who loudly describes the 50 types of hamburger toppings available at the mall.

I will have a more healthy 2008 than 2007.

I visited my new friend. The one I have to carry.

I'm moving to a window with a better view.

Sidney Crosby looked gorgeous in Buffalo.

I'm going to ask myself for advice before I ask anyone else.

Outrageous and Courageous

I saw the fireworks over Ottawa, ON to ring in the New Year from across the river.

An impromptu blues song was sung in my honour. A gift to rememeber.

We laughed at all those who are on the radio simply because they networked (kissed ass) and made art people could tune out to while eating dessert.

I am where I am supposed to be.

There was much heartached in 2007... Much was learned as a result...

My favourite memory for 2007 was playing Pop Montreal to a crowd that liked what they were getting, though they didn't know what they were getting. While looking the best I've ever looked, without getting into the obvious specifics.

Still Rolling



I've been over 2300 kms in 9 days. How about you?



Some of the many highlights for me included:



Dec 22 - Standing on the end of a wharf covered in snow and looking at a huge lake in the mountains relieved of its summer tourists

Dec 23 - Buying a pair of trashy ankle boots on sale. These are so rough and decadent!

Dec 24 - Going swimming at a public pool in a NY ghetto.

Dec 25 - Seeing a plum pudding on fire for the first time.

Dec 26 - Talking to people over 90 years old and watching them still enjoy the buffet table

Dec 27 - Seeing people skiing on the sidewalk, and petting a black lab puppy in a tiny NY State town

Dec 28 - Sending suggestive text messages while looking at the CN Tower dressed up like a garish candy cane

Dec 29 - Learning all about Ontario's "Collision Centres" What a fascinating world of torment it is.

Dec 30 - Looking at the Kingston Penitentiary and reflecting on "cages" in Kingston, ON

Hidden

The universe watches those who steal others' ideas, words, imagry. Even if the ideas are just coop'ed as an "inspiration" to start something "new" of our "own". Bad dog! Let's kiss and start again.

Boot It Over The Moon

One month after my attack on O'Connor St. in Ottawa, ON, I have now completed the necessary dealings with the Ottawa police services. It was a long, discouraging, at times re-victimizing, and necessary experience. In the end I felt that the woman at the police services was doing her best, considering she was just starting her contract.

I encourage anyone who's been the victim of hate related attacks (including verbal assaults) to report the experience to the police. I felt I reclaimed a bit of my dignity and person empowerment by giving a detailed description of my assailant and the events that occured.

Now I just wonder if the whole thing happened so I could find the saucy grey hat in the thrift store where I eventually showed up to sign the final police incident report!

Broke Boundaries

I broke boundaries today that had been set up by my own mind.

The snow fell so hard that the buses between Hull and Ottawa were useless. Miska and I ran across the inter-provincial road arm in arm singing some nonsense holdiay song. What a laugh.

Earlier we had gotten out the speakers that came with my cell phone (I had left them in the package for months) and danced around with the speakers on our heads.

Universe

I didn't know how describe what I was looking for this past weekend. But I knew what it looked like. But only after it occured, did I recognize it as the experince I was looking for.

The universe has a way of putting in to action what we can't put into words. -MM

Stay open.

Climate Chaos

I participated in demonstration on Parliament Hill today, to demand that Canada respect the Kyoto Agreement. It was the second political demonstration I ever participated in. I figured it would be interesting to meet people outside of rock n' roll and civil service. People who "care about issues". Tree huggers. Bunny lovers.

One of the speakers, an African farmer, told the crowd of 300 + that global warming was increasingly wrecking the small farms in Africa. So that's another example, of people who had almost nothing to start with , and had even that taken from them.

Lots of good solar energy from the people at the demonstration. More people are needed to really insist that Canada commit to reducing green house gas emissions. If a glamourous and high maintenance person such as myself can go to a demonstration, so can you. I encourage you. I felt reinvigorated by attending.

To learn more about how every person in Canada can make a difference in reducing climate change visit:

www.climatechaos.ca

Under The Tree

This time of year, I regularly see loads of frumpy women and underworked office workin' men dragging around garbage bags full of mass produced toys. I saw one of then said, "Ashley Age : 14 and a 1/2. the thought of this "Ashley" stopped my mind for a minute. What sort of life does Ashley have?

Sometimes I'm better at buying gifts then others. Once I gave a gift a pair of antique opera glasses inscrbed with "See Love." another time, I gave a cassette tape of Weird Al Yanovick!

Hugs In Vogue

Yeah, what a weekend. It's worse to wait around for people than it is to be alone. Much better to be alone. Least then there's no expectations. Other than it's up to you to live your life. To make a plan.

I did get to a craft fair. Very soulless. Buy Buy Buy. Granola, fridge magnets, felt purses, guitar straps, vintage earrings, hand made cutting boards, greeting cards, plush toys. endless hedonism. these people searching for connection by buying their way straight into hell. Buy buying themselves under holiday consumer goods higher than the tallest Christmas tree in the field. I was exhausted and deeply disturbed by it.

Freee the mind from shopping chaos. A hug is a better gift than a diamond.

The Big Day

It's an anniversary for me this weekend. I've said many times over the years that we should invent our own anniversaries. It's the only way to mark time. Slow time.

Though sometimes the "big day" can lead to big expectations. Big expectations can lead to even bigger disappointments. All of my reflecting was leading to an existential crisis.

I phoned up a musician with my existential music crisis. He couldn't deal. It is so sad to meet people who understand music but not art.

Keep going.

The universe is listening to those with pure souls.

Roughed Up

The rest of November was quiet for me. Regrettably I was victim to an episode of hatred in Ottawa, ON, on November 12 th from a random bigot, which was quite traumatic for me, and necessitated a call to the police. (The police still haven't completed their work.)

This trouble at least renewed my inner dialogue to be more gentle with myself, and also to continue my quest for building regularly scheduled calm into my week. I feel like I'm in an intriguing recovery mode from many burdens and health hazards. Luckily I have received the wake up call in time for me to be more proactive about my health.

He's 100% Not Interested

It has occured to me that we are all unwanted by someone. This point was accentuated for me recently when a very handsome man told me a story about a woman who didn't want him.

Being unwanted seems really unfair - devestating even- when this happens to us. (Why doesn't s/he want to date you/me?)

The only answer I've come up with to answer the perverbial "Why?" is that if everyone wanted /desired the same person, that person would be mauled and trampled to death. While the rest of us would be lonely old bachelors and spinsters in our beds. So, basically, the world wouldn't function. Wedding cakes wouldn't be ordered. Carrabian cruises for two wouldn't be booked. You know?

So, really the only solution for being unwanted is to remind ourselves:

- Take comfort that this is just the way world has to turn in order to function, and be glad for the world for it's functioning

- Stop beating your head against someone who is apathetic about your wonderful and sexy self

- Start look for someone who does find you facinating and want you

10 Cents A Song

I attended the 2007 Canadian Songwriter's Symposium. I may not have had any business there, considering I can barely spell, "symposium"; but since I showed up to the event a week early, I decided I owed it to myself to at least go back on the right day.

In brief, I went as a sceptic. For a couple of reasons. One being: Can songwriting really be taught? (No, but there's a $$$ dollar a year industry that will tell you otherwise.) Second, I went to this event in 2005. I had a "professional" songwriter evaluate my song. (He was professional for co-writing a Rod Stewart song from 1989 and a few terrible "filler songs" on a Cher album. Oh, and I think he wrote a song for the "Cocktail" soundtrack.) Anyway, he told me, "your songs are too personal" and, "never sing your demos again." ( I went on to play every festival I wanted to play.)

This time around someone who partially wrote an Allanah Myles song in 1987 showed up and explained how he thought of the song. And he threw in a few video clips of interviews with Neil Young and Tina Turner (this relates how) for good measure. He then went on to tell us "success" stories of making "loads of money" writing songs for a Hilary Duff Disney special. He also told us he had assembled the "songwriting writing team" for the tragic Canadian "drama" called, "Instant Star." Just for a laugh, I eventually asked him how I could get a job as one of the songwriters on, "Instant Star." He told me that he only hired "known writers" and that the business was "very hard." Translation: Thanks for spending $29.00 on my seminar, now get your nose out of my songwriting business.

There were some friendly folks in the room. All we could do was try to laugh our assess off at our common fate of being writers. I know I did.

Looking Back on 10 + Years in Indie Rock

Considering I started out a runaway teenager with nothing but a dream and a few plastic grocery bags of my possessions, considering the years I was hassled just for walking down the street, considering the "huh? what's that? Never heard of That - Must not like it!" mentality of the main stream music biz, considering all this well, it's pretty amazing that I have been able to get to the point where I had a band and made music in public at all, let all played big music festivals and was a hit.

Along the way I encountered all the cliche negative forces:

- as soon as people think you "have something", they want a piece of it
- jealous people (hilarious, as if most of these jealous souls had my handful of cards they'd fold)
- special interest groups trying to claim you or define you or limit you with their labels
- music cliques
- musicians I booked for shows not returning the favour
- people who quit with no notice

But also many positive forces:

- sister solidarity
- kindred spirits doing their writing and reflecting
- cheers, applause and encores! from the crowds who felt touched by my music
- meeting friendly new people
- feeling that I did it despite the odds

The Super Model Syndrome was a group of friends, acquaintances, hired hands and excellent musicians. Our main accomplishment was that we offered unique subversive music that had not previously been seen in homogeneous music towns like Ottawa, ON.

I wanted the Super Model Syndrome to go out with a big bang rather than a fizz. So, I chose Pop Montreal, 2007 as the the gig that would be our last show as a band. And what a bang it was. (Description in a previous entry.)

I will now return to my roots, and simultaneously move forward, by working as a one woman show.

I am actively seeking to play only a limited number of shows in 2008. So, if you have an audience that would appreciate "heart music" (honesty, humility, stories, simplicity and soul) then please do get in touch with me to further discuss. In a band and want to book a gig together? Also worth chatting about.

Readin' N' Rockin'

Mackenzie has been nominated Entertainer of the Year 2007 by the readers of Capital Xtra Magazine. It was an honour to be nominated by the readers.

Pop Montreal 2007 Show Highlights In Brief

I played Pop Montreal on October 6, 2007 with Spy Machine. The bar looked like a combination of the set of the TV show "Cheers" and a hunting lodge.

I had out up posters in Montreal in the rain. I knew the posters would quickly be plastered over by someone else's poster. And they were. But I wanted to be able to say I had tired. That I had postered Montreal by hand. Rather than stayed at home and watched, "Law and Order." Hey, Madonna used to hand out flyers to her shows in the streets of NYC. Can't knock it.

Briefly what happened at the show was I decided I didn't want a single "bar conversation" to be uninterrupted during my performance. Simply because I'd dragged my piano through the subway system to deliver my message to people, and I wanted them to hear it.

At first people didn't listen. So I started singer like a tough dyke trucker. That got their attention. Soon enough, all the folks in the bar pulled their chairs around to face the stage in a big semi circle that looked like they were sitting around a camp fire at girl guides camp.

I spoke to the crowd in French about how Montreal was the city of my second birth. I was very honest with them. To my great surprise my truths touched people and the entire bar gave me a big round of applause. I got to deliver my message : See your scars as beauty marks. At the end of the show I announced that people were witnessing the last Super Model Syndrome show and collapsed on staged. I then received calls of "encore" through out the room. (Was this my life?) And that was that. an almost impossible mission of glam rock. Accomplished. We then drove home in a beat up rental and failed miserably at cooking a Thanksgiving turkey.

Mackenzie Plays Pop Montreal

Mackenzie MacBride was selected to play Pop Montreal 2007, one of North America's most pretegious music festivals.

Saturday October 6, 2007 with Spy Machine and others.

Check the festival schedule for venue info.

COME SEE ABOUT SHE

*Live Video on You Tube*:West Fest 0ttawa 2007, Main Stage

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYvcPDu9nik

Pride Toronto, 2007, Alternative Rock Stage

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhGeNBfvVUQ